Republican House Representative Furious Attempted Coup Delayed Her Attempted Coup
Republican Washington State Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers announced she’s furious that a giant mob’s action-packed attempted coup of the nation’s Capitol Wednesday delayed and upstaged her own attempted coup.
“I was all excited to join...
Neighbors Still Setting Off Annoying Virtual Light Shows at 2 a.m.
Even several days after New Years, Columbia City resident Michael McFarlane says his neighbors are still rudely setting off bright virtual light shows from their living rooms at all hours of the night.
“You know,...
The Needling’s 2020 Real Fake News Corrections: We Regret the Accuracy
Here at The Needling we strive to uphold our credibility as a real fake news organization that only reports real fake news. Unfortunately sometimes we accidentally end up reporting real real news, sometimes even...
Washington State Decriminalizes Murder of Left Lane Slowpokes
Deafening cheers filled the streets Monday evening when Measure 187 passed in a special election with over 98 percent of Washingtonians voting in favor of snuffing a fellow citizen’s life from this earth for...
Man Returns to Toilet Paper Fort as Seattle Re-Enters Lockdown
Following Governor Inslee’s new lockdown order, a local man has returned to defending the toilet-paper quarantine fortress that engulfed his former living room earlier this year.
“While I enjoyed the Charmin Ceasefire that the summer...
Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left on her tree.
“We did our best to protect our apartment’s...
Wow! This Rare Arctic Snowy Owl Would Really Appreciate You Putting the Binoculars Down, Creep
A rare Arctic snowy owl roosting on a Queen Anne rooftop has been wowing local birdwatchers with her delicate white feathers, long wings and now a piercing look from her yellow eyes clearly telling...
Gingerbread House Construction Delayed by Building Permit Backlog
Aspiring
gingerbread homeowner Hunter Franz, age 6, was devastated today when Mom of the
House confirmed that his custom-built vision would likely not get building
permits until next Christmas.
Known
to speed ahead of the single-family zone permit...
‘The Virus is a Hoax,’ Says Local Saint Giving You Place in Line for Life-Saving Vaccination
As Seattle’s first round of COVID-19 vaccination shots arrived today, local good Samaritan and conspiracy theorist Doug Fenley proudly announced that he would kindly be letting you take his place in line for life-saving...
5 Ways to Be as Optimistic as a Cyclist Taking Up an Entire Lane of Traffic at Night
It can be hard to maintain optimism in a year like 2020. Fortunately, we have cyclists so optimistic about their chances of surviving another day unscathed they’ll take up entire lanes of traffic at...
