Seattle Changes City Limits Specifically to Incorporate Central Market Shoreline
The City of Seattle finalized an agreement with the City of Shoreline today to change the northernmost city limits at 145th street so that...
Sound Transit Announces 3 New Light Rail Station Escalators Already Broken
Today Sound Transit announced that this fall’s opening of three new light rail stations in North Seattle aren’t the only plans that are ahead...
Mercer Island Already Completely Vaccinated, Doesn’t Know What’s Taking You So Long?
As Mercer Island’s population reached a 100 percent vaccination rate, the upper-crust community’s residents were left wondering what’s taking everyone else on the mainland...
5 Local Feminist Icons Who … Okay They’re Not Reading Anymore – We Ride At Dawn, Bitches
Ladies, at long last the time is nigh.
We trust this International Women’s Day-encrypted message has reached you in good spirits for in a few...
Seattle Times Finally Runs Out of Mid-sized Towns to Call Hamlets
The Seattle Times copydesk has confirmed that, shortly after deadline today, the 130-year-old metropolitan newspaper has finally run out of mid-sized cities and towns...
Report: All Friends Vaccinated Except You, Even Fucking Brendan
A troubling report released by the CDC today has revealed that all of your friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and Insta crushes have already received their...
Strike Imminent as Seattle Public Schools Requires All Returning Teachers to Wear Pants
After already sparring earlier this year over how and when to return to in-person learning, another teachers’ strike against Seattle Public Schools seems imminent...
‘Poor, Unprepared Texas,’ Says City Completely Unprepared for Inevitably Colossal Earthquake
The degree to which Texas was utterly unprepared for last week’s freak freeze continues to baffle, confuse and appall thousands of Seattleites who say...
The Needling Launches NFT Digital Subscription for Only $1.99M a Month
Acquiescing to persistent requests from countless blockchain overlords, today The Needling became a pioneer in the online news industry by launching a new NFT...
Melting Snowman Curses Eight-Year-Old Creator for Pain of Fleeting Existence
As the snow from the weekend’s wintery flurry begins to slowly fade away, one deformed, half-melted snowman has cursed his eight-year-old creator for condemning...
