The Needling Launches NFT Digital Subscription for Only $1.99M a Month
Acquiescing to persistent requests from countless blockchain overlords, today The Needling became a pioneer in the online news industry by launching a new NFT...
Melting Snowman Curses Eight-Year-Old Creator for Pain of Fleeting Existence
As the snow from the weekend’s wintery flurry begins to slowly fade away, one deformed, half-melted snowman has cursed his eight-year-old creator for condemning...
Boeing CEO Relieved to Learn Shower of Fiery Debris Not One of Theirs
While residents across the Pacific Northwest were captivated by a shower of fiery debris streaking across the Thursday night sky, Boeing’s CEO was reportedly...
LA Transplant Salivating at Chance to One-Up Traffic Complaint
After what was meant to be a coworker’s innocuous comment about a frustrating drive back to West Seattle, local Los Angeles transplant Oliver Marlow...
Valentine’s Day Eviction Notices to Be Delivered via Candy Gram
With Seattle’s renter eviction moratorium set to expire on Feb. 14, the Mayor’s Office announced today that they plan to soften the blow of...
Sheriff Falsely Accusing Black Man of Death Threats Just Had a ‘Vewy Bad Day’
After being caught falsely accusing an innocent black man delivering newspapers of death threats, law enforcement officials are saying Pierce County Sheriff Ed Troyer...
Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO to Spend More Quality Time with Subterranean Sea of Gold Coins
Pressed for more details on what he would be spending his free time on after stepping down as CEO later this year, Amazon founder...
Snoqualmie Squirrel Predicts Six More Months of Going Nuts
Not to be outshone by Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day, Washington’s own Snoqualmie Squirrel emerged from his cozy tree hovel today to announce...
25-Year-Old Horrified to Discover He 40 in Pandemic Years
As the coronavirus pandemic has forced the nation into sedentary lifestyles and rustic hobbies, one 25-year-old was horrified to learn today that he’s aged...
Seattle Police Union to Investigate Officers Who Didn’t Attend January 6th DC Riots
To ensure the utmost professionalism in its ranks, Seattle Police Officers Guild President Mike Solan announced today that the union would be opening up...
