Local Non-Profit Politely Declines MacKenzie Scott’s Donation of Second Husband
Today local non-profit Meals on Wheels on Wheels announced that although it was honored to be selected as a beneficiary of a donation from...
Squirrel Bursts into Flames Signaling Six More Weeks of Heat Wave
Seattle meteorologists confirmed an additional six weeks of record Pacific Northwest heat waves today after local common gray squirrel Pyrotechnic Pete spontaneously burst into...
Landlords Now Requiring Dog’s Credit Score
Adding to the longer list of requirements renters must meet to secure housing in pricey and competitive rent markets like Seattle, local landlords are...
Man Driving Ram Pickup Truck on I-90 Pulled Over for Failure to Tailgate
After putting countless cars on-edge wondering when the driver was finally going to almost rear-end them before speeding ahead rolling coal, local Ram pickup...
Out-of-Control Ferry Continues Reign of Chaos, Crashes through Amazon Spheres Dragging Space Needle Behind It
Almost an entire two weeks after it ran off-course and smashed half its face into a Fauntleroy Dock piling, Vashon ferry Cathlamet continued its...
Microsoft Worker Still Thinks He Can Convince Friends to Use Bing
In the middle of a heated argument over the name of the actor who played Mr. Belvedere, 34-year-old Microsoft UX Designer Steve Ashby tragically...
Experts Warn of Toxic Algae Ghosting After Giving You Weird Rash
With another warm weekend on tap, experts are cautioning people against having one last summertime fling in local lakes filled with toxic algae that...
Report: Idiot from Seattle Can’t Even Pronounce ‘Puyallup’
State education officials are reeling today following the release of a report indicating one Seattle simpleton could not even pronounce the city name of...
New Seattle Transportation Director from LA Immediately Rebrands I-5 to “The 5”
In his first move since Mayor Bruce Harrell poached him from the City of Los Angeles last week, new director of Seattle Department of...
Dan Price Offering Everyone in America $70k to Forget All About This
In an unprecedented gesture of generosity—the likes of which the capitalist establishment has never seen—local former CEO Dan Price announced today he’s offering every...
