Amazon Delivery Drone Swoops Down to Carry Roomba Back to Nest
Amazon’s Prime Day trial run of their new delivery drones this week reportedly still has a few bugs to work out after several of...
Starbucks to Close All Seattle Locations Due to High Rate of Crimes Against Coffee
Citing years of complaints about its high rates of crime against coffee beans, Starbucks announced today that this month they will be closing all...
Mayor Harrell Prepares Expansion of Ballard Locks to Accommodate Jeff Bezos’ Imperial Star Destroyer Yacht
Just days after The Netherlands officially rejected Jeff Bezos’ request to dismantle a historic Rotterdam bridge to make way for one of his superyachts,...
Downtown Seattle Business Area Renamed ‘South Lake Anti-Union’
In an unprecedented yet completely foreseeable effort to revitalize Downtown Seattle and the American economy along with it, today a group of compassionate local...
New Seattle Mask Policy is Vague Sense of Shame No Matter What You Do
As Covid numbers surge once again, today Seattle and King County officials instituted a new local mask policy of feeling a small, nagging sense...
Washington Health Officials Just Gonna Assume Local Monkeypox Outbreak Originated at Gum Wall
Officials from the Washington Health Department held a press conference today to announce that they’re just gonna assume a local outbreak of monkeypox most...
Portland Formally Requests To “Crash On Seattle’s Couch For A Few More Weeks”
A handwritten message on the back of a bar receipt found early this afternoon confirms that Portland, Ore. has officially requested to extend its...
Local Homeowner in Critical Condition After Witnessing Homelessness
A local Madison Park homeowner is in critical condition at Harborview tonight after tragically witnessing the reality of homelessness in Downtown Seattle this afternoon.
“I...
Monsanto Releases Spring Software Update to Make Next Wave of Flowers Bloom
This morning Monsanto issued a spring software update to a subset of PNW plants that enables the next wave of flowers to bloom across...
‘Just a Reminder That the Corporate Office Has A/C,’ Reads Helpful Email from Satan
Just as local remote workers were set to begin another sweltering day at home chained to their laptops this morning, they were reportedly reminded...
