New Gerrymandered Maps Somehow Puts Pike Place Market in Bellevue
Following a series of heavily gerrymandered maps sweeping the country, a new proposed King County map would somehow place Pike Place Market within the...
All ‘One Seattle Day of Service’ Tasks Mysteriously Involve Mayor Harrell’s Household Chores
As a spirit of goodwill descended upon the Emerald City for its first One Seattle Day of Service this weekend, hundreds of volunteers were...
Majestic Lake Washington Bald Eagle Shits on Car
A lone bald eagle glided across the still waters of Lake Washington and swooped through the tall Seward Park spruces this afternoon before unleashing...
34% of Local Billionaires Report Living Paycheck-to-Paycheck
In yet another sign of economic downturn, a recent report shows 34 percent of Seattle billionaires are currently living paycheck-to-paycheck.
“If things don’t improve soon,...
Only Anti-Choice King County Councilmember Still Kinda Hoping Only Local Right-Wing Nutjobs Know Who He Is
As local pro-choice advocates protest the dismantling of national human rights to privacy and bodily autonomy while continuing to look for productive ways to...
Spokane Moms Excited to See You Sunday, Remind You Seattle Is Crime-infested Hellhole
Moms throughout Spokane are reportedly eagerly awaiting Mother’s Day to see you in person for a really big, long hug, and a kiss while...
Local Dad Overdoses on Gifted Smoked Salmon Boxes
What was supposed to be a joyous day of puns and sensible car recommendations took a scary turn as local father Michael Chrisman overdosed...
Union Scores Victory Over Confederated Starbucks of America at Battle of Roastery Ridge
Forces of the First Flagship Bean Battalion are still rejoicing today after claiming a Union victory at the Capitol Hill Battle of Roastery Ridge...
Local Man Upset About Rainy June Fondly Recalls Home Turning into Literal Oven Last Summer
Staring forlornly at the rain pouring outside his apartment window on a crisp, gray Seattle day, today local man Andy Brady said all he...
Seattle Police Announce Plans to Escalate Citywide Sweeps of Sexual Assault Cases Under Nearby Rug
The Seattle Police Department announced today that they need to significantly ramp up sweeping the city’s overwhelming backlog of documented adult sexual assault crimes...
