WSDOT Announces Plan to Build Bridge Out of Decommissioned Ferries
After months of struggling to meet demand for sailings across Puget Sound with fewer and fewer operational ferries from its rapidly aging fleet, today WSDOT announced it actually had enough decommissioned ferries now to...
Understaffed SPD Assures Public It Definitely Has Enough Time to Stop and Frisk Aurora Sex Workers Again
To address worries that the reportedly extremely understaffed agency may not have the resources to crack down on prostitutes again the way City Councilmember Cathy Moore wants them to, today the Seattle Police Department...
Seattle Grateful It Doesn’t Have a Transparency-Hating Grifter for Mayor Like NYC Does
As the nation watched New York City’s mayor get literally indicted this week for bribery, today people across Seattle thanked their lucky stars that their mayor, Bruce Harrell, is clearly such an ethical, grift-free...
Submissive Light Rail Rider Disappointed to Once Again Not Be Punished by Fare Enforcement for Not Having a Ticket
Today local light rail rider and sub Ryan Donnelly was once again let down by Sound Transit when its fare enforcement officers failed to punish him for not having a ticket.
“Not even a slap...
Seattle Finally Concedes Portland is the Better PNW City for Newcomers to Move to
The City of Seattle put years of debate to rest today when it finally and officially conceded that Portland is definitely the better major Pacific Northwest city for thousands of people across the nation,...
City Council Confident You’ll Love Policies Passed from Secret Bunker
After making the unprecedented decision to completely end all in-person public comment in Seattle City Council Chambers, today Council President Sara Nelson said she’s confident everyone will love the policies they’ll now pass instead...
Ballard Bridge Stuck, Halts Gentrification for 3 Hours
Today the century-old Ballard Bridge became stuck in the air at a near 90-degree angle due to a malfunctioning motor, halting all gentrification into the neighborhood for an unprecedented three hours.
Young, bearded bicyclists lining...
Phew! Thing Slithering Through Garden Was Just Spineless City Councilmember Dan Strauss
Despite momentarily fearing for her life, today Ballard resident Anna Santos said the eerie thing she saw slithering through her garden this morning was just spineless Seattle City Councilmember Dan Strauss.
“At first, I thought...
Light Rail Operator Excited to Finally Find Out What’s in Lynnwood
Ahead of the Lynnwood Station grand opening on Friday, Light Rail Operator Tim Anderson is reportedly excited to finally find out what’s actually in the northern suburb.
“I’ve heard many whispers about this mysterious land...
Public Demands Smith Tower Be Converted Into Delightful Tower of Terror Already
After Smith Tower was recently sold again to yet another group of investors attempting to turn it into more office space Downtown Seattle doesn’t need, today the public demanded the historic building finally be...
