Sound Transit Board Announces Projected Date for Appointing New CEO Is 2045
Following the unexpected and early resignation of Sound Transit CEO Julie Timm on Tuesday, this morning the Sound Transit Board announced the projected date for appointing her replacement is 2045.
"It'll take us between six...
County Looks to Increase Voter Turnout by Dragging Your Ass to the Dropbox Themselves
In a desperate attempt to raise King County’s sad, off-year voter turnout, poll workers for the November general election are being tasked with physically dragging voters to their local drop box.
“We’re not messing around,...
‘Wow, It’s Getting Late in the Year,’ Say Seattleites Hoping Sun Will Finally Take a Fucking Hint
After agreeing they had a lovely time together, today people all over Seattle are talking about how close we’re getting to winter in hopes the sun will finally take a fucking hint and get...
Seattle Voters Already Disappointed by City Council They Just Elected
Moments after the Seattle City Council race was certified today, a collective groan could be heard throughout the Emerald City.
“When I voted for Joy Hollingsworth, I was super excited about what she planned to...
Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
In a moving and unprecedented show of deference, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell announced he’s ensuring every police officer recites a land acknowledgment before sweeping homeless Native Americans this Indigenous Peoples’ Day.
"It is vital...
Mayor Harrell Follows Shotspotter Ask with Shitspotter Technology to Detect Dog Poop Anywhere in City
As the Seattle City Council's budget committee debated whether to approve funding for Shotspotter’s controversial and reportedly ineffective gunshot detection technology, today Mayor Bruce Harrell announced his intention to also ask for the funding...
Local Homeowner Demands Veterans Day Recognition for Living in “Ballard War Zone”
Today local homeowner Terry Wilson made it clear that he demands proper recognition as an American veteran for his years of living through the notorious war zone that is Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood.
“You have no...
Election Officials Add Ballot Drop on Mailbox Peak for Voters Who Really Want to Show Off
Ballot return rates spiked this week after King County Election officials recently added a new ballot drop-box to the top of Mailbox Peak for voters who really want to show off their civic prowess.
“At...
Leaf Blower Gangs Clash in Major Blowout at 10th and Union
Capitol Hill residents jolted awake this morning to the unmistakable sound of rival leaf blower gangs furiously blowing leaves and trash back and forth over the borders of each other’s treacherous, tree-lined territories.
“This has...
Text Alert: 1 Line On Time But Wanted To Check In Because They’ve Been Thinking About You A Lot Lately
With the 1 Line under construction for nearly a month, Sound Transit light rail riders are receiving constant texts about delays and mechanical issues. But Saturday night at 11:44 p.m., Rachel received a text...
