NASA’s Perseverance Rover Criticized for Fleeing Crisis-Stricken Earth for Sunny Mars Vacation
The historic landing of the Mars Perseverance Rover has been met with controversy today after many of Earth’s citizens accused the rover of abandoning...
Local Geoduck Bragging About Magnum XLs a Bit Much
Dosewallips State Park’s most famous bivalve resident has reportedly been making waves and bragging about his steady supply of Trojan Magnum XL condoms a...
Victoria’s Secret Releases Line of Edible Sweatpants
Inspired to release a more realistic and practical line of lingerie this Valentine’s Day, today Victoria’s Secret revealed its first line of edible sweatpants...
Local Psychopaths Camping This Weekend
According to inside sources, certified crazy people Shyan Burke and Mikaela Hopkins of Fremont have already headed up to the mountains this weekend to...
Woman Placed in Witness Protection After Feeding Cat Breakfast an Hour Late
A Lynnwood woman has been placed into the Federal Witness Protection program today after she had discovered that her cat, Dr. Meowchi, had repeatedly...
Seattle Underground Tour Launches Virtual Showings of City’s Creepiest Apartment Laundry Rooms
Anxious to begin hosting informative local tours again, today the Seattle Undeground Tour launched its first live virtual showings of the city’s most creepy...
Puppy Bowl Star Ejected for Unnecessary Ruffness After Illegal Snoot-to-Snoot Contact
Controversy has marred the annual Puppy Bowl today after Linebarker Vontaze Barkfict was ejected for a late hit on Snifferback Pup Hamilton that resulted...
Alarming Rise in Podcasts Includes Launch of ‘The Needling Update’
This week The Needling added to the already dangerously rising levels of podcasts in the world with its launch of The Needling Update, now...
Report: U.S. Cases of New Podcasts Reaching Dangerous New High
As the pandemic heads into its second year, officials say that catastrophically high U.S. cases of new podcasts are showing no signs of abating.
“We...
Mark Wahlberg Somehow Already Starring in Movie About Capitol Assault
In what many have called “that sounds about right,” it was announced today that Mark Wahlberg would be starring in a Michael Bay-produced “action-packed...
