Opening Day Postponed After Mariner Moose Refuses to Leave Breeding Mound
The Seattle Mariners' Opening Day was officially postponed today after the beloved Mariner Moose suddenly became territorial and refused to leave what he has...
Wallingford Community Council Says No to Egg Hunts in Their Backyards
In a unanimous decision today, the Wallingford Community Council voted no on allowing egg hunts in any of their aspirational historic district’s backyards for...
Local Elected Judge Still Pretty Jazzed You Don’t Know Who the Hell They Are
As the country celebrated the historic confirmation of its first black woman to the U.S. Supreme Court, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, one local elected...
Howard Schultz Enacts Anti-Union ‘Don’t Say Pay’ Policy at Starbucks
In an effort to curb a burgeoning unionization movement, today Starbucks Interim CEO Howard Schultz announced he’s instituting a “Don’t Say Pay” policy at...
KOMO News Wordle Just ‘CRIME’ Again
Word puzzle enthusiasts woke up this morning to discover that the daily KOMORDLE, the KOMO News version of the national sensation Wordle, was just...
The Needling Issues Cease-and-Desist Orders to Local Real Fake News Copycats
Suddenly attacked today from every direction by rampant local real fake news copycats, this afternoon The Needling announced it had issued cease-and-desist orders to...
Pete Carroll Assures Fans He Sucked All Heart, Joy, and Ability Out of Russell Wilson Before Trade
Still smarting from the loss of one of the best players the franchise has ever had, today Seahawks Pete Carroll assured Seattle football fans...
Portage Bay Café Brunch Committee Bans Local Woman for Ordering Plain Waffle
The Portage Bay Café Brunch Committee handed down an official decision today to ban local woman Megan Thompson from weekend brunches permanently after finding...
Climate Catastrophe? This Skinny Glacier Looks AMAZING
While experts disagree on the exact date a climate Armageddon will inevitably crush most life on the planet, climate scientists are unanimous in their...
KOMO Special Report: Psst, Hey You Wanna See a Dead Body?
Desperate to distract from former KOMO journalist Jonathan Choe’s Proud Boys puff piece, KOMO News announced today it would be getting back to its...
