Bainbridge Island Thinks It’s Probably Time for You to Leave
Although its local merchants certainly appreciate your business, Bainbridge Island thinks it might be time for you to start headin' home, multiple shopkeepers have...
Sound Transit Escalator Not Broken, Just on Healing Journey
In a plea to promote mental health awareness in the region, the escalator that services University of Washington station spoke out today against the hordes...
Mariners, Seahawks, Kraken Congratulate Sounders on Winning Their ‘Little Jamboree’
Following the Seattle Sounders’ historic achievement as the first MLS team to win the Concacaf Champions League this week, representatives from the Seattle Mariners,...
‘Student Loan Debt is the Latest Casualty of the Cancel Culture Cabal,’ Tweets Man from Yacht
One local hero bravely stood up to the woke mob today when he courageously took a moment from drinking straight out of an $800...
NTK’s Old Campaign Website Crashes After Ann Davison Caught Refreshing Too Many Times for New Ideas
Former Abolitionist City Attorney candidate Nicole Thomas-Kennedy’s archived campaign website reportedly crashed last night after a usually conservative City Attorney Ann Davison tried refreshing...
Seattle Public Schools Replaces After-School Care Program with Amazon Lockers
Seattle Public Schools (SPS) announced today that they’re teaming up with Amazon to replace its after-school care programs with Amazon Lockers in order to...
New Seattle Police Department Hiring Bonus to Include $4M Taxpayer-funded Murder Settlement
Citing the need to quickly hire more police officers, today Seattle City Councilmember Sara Nelson proposed a new officer hiring incentive of a $4...
Trickle-Down Economics’ Historic 40-Year Drought Definitely Ending Any Decade Now
As the trickle-down economics policy popularized by President Ronald Reagan enters its 41st year, local economic forecasters maintained that the theory’s historic drought—which has...
Earth Day Hero? This President Just Produced Enough Traffic Gridlock to Make the Entire PNW Go Carless
In what many are calling an Earth Day miracle and unprecedented feat of environmental sustainability, today President Joe Robinette Biden Jr.’s visits to Seattle...
Russell Wilson Excited to Be 5,280 Feet Closer to God
While many 12s are still crestfallen about the departure of Russell Wilson, the pious quarterback said today at practice he is riding high now...
