Local Man Upset About Rainy June Fondly Recalls Home Turning into Literal Oven Last Summer
Staring forlornly at the rain pouring outside his apartment window on a crisp, gray Seattle day, today local man Andy Brady said all he...
Seattle Police Announce Plans to Escalate Citywide Sweeps of Sexual Assault Cases Under Nearby Rug
The Seattle Police Department announced today that they need to significantly ramp up sweeping the city’s overwhelming backlog of documented adult sexual assault crimes...
Man Who Hasn’t Changed Sheets In A Year Thinks Downtown Is Disgusting
From the safety of stiff, crusty sheets he hasn’t washed in more than a year, this afternoon Ballard resident Kevin Pilbasian announced to all...
Awkward Pedestrian Shuffle Enters Fifth Day
Tensions are rising in Seattle’s Cascade neighborhood as an awkward pedestrian shuffle continues into its fifth day.
The standoff began when paralegal Hector Perez and...
‘Congress Is Trash,’ Says Man Whose Record of Voting Is Also Trash
Today the main federal legislative body of the longest-running democracy in the history of human civilization is reportedly complete and utter trash, according to...
Half-staff Flag Just Gonna Stay There a While
One local American flag announced today that it has decided it’s just gonna stick around at half-staff for a while.
“Frankly, I’m exhausted from running...
West Seattle Bridge Finally Enters Pupal Stage, Could Hatch By 2024
After more than two years of anticipation, today the Seattle Department of Transportation announced that the West Seattle Bridge has finally entered its pupal...
Macklemore Purchases Small Percentage of Seattle Kraken, Finally Receives Long-Awaited Minority Status
After years of hard work and purchasing a small percentage of the Seattle Kraken hockey team to become one of its minority owners, local...
PacMed Building Not Haunted, Just Has Resting Tower-of-Terror Face
After decades of scaring children and adults alike into thinking a haunted, evil villain’s headquarters plucked straight out of Gotham City was perched up...
Discovery of Ancient Temple of the Dog Liner Notes Could Serve as Rosetta’s Stone to Decipher Eddie Vedder Lyrics
Seattle’s music scene was abuzz today after the discovery of an ancient Temple of the Dog record with intact liner notes gave grunge scholars...
