Blood-soaked Mansion with Loose Murderer Inside Still Going for $900k on Zillow
Despite home prices reportedly going down after a housing market surge in which many million-dollar homes were bought with cash offers, one blood-soaked Seattle...
Host at Buca Di Beppo Isn’t Actually Happy to Seat You Now
Tonight the host who has a table ready for your family to celebrate your grandma’s 79th birthday is reporting that, for the record, he’s...
Brave! Local Woman Says Murdering Children Is Bad
Today one local woman courageously spoke out on social media to announce her controversial political stance that slaughtering children is bad.
“I know I’m probably...
‘There Is No Justification for Terrorism,’ Says Man Justifying Genocide
Today it was bravely declared that there is no justification for terrorism—no history or circumstances past, present, or future—by a man justifying the far...
Ignoring Dire Warnings, Seattle Public Library Obtains Only Remaining Copy of Necronomicon
Greenlake — Seattle Public Library officials unveiled their newest prestige purchase today: The last remaining copy of the Necronomicon.
“This acquisition really makes our catalog...
Office Affirms Trans Woman’s Gender by Providing Her with Significantly Lower Salary
Today a local trans woman is celebrating working at a company so affirming of her gender that her first paycheck since coming out as...
Man Graduates from North Face to Arc’teryx Merchandise
Loved ones wiped away happy tears this morning as Seattle resident Tim Gilman cast aside his waterproof North Face hoodie and zipped on a...
Ben Gibbard Cuts Back Bangs for Death Cab/Postal Service Shows, Sees Fans for First Time
In an unprecedented move since the beginning of his musical career almost three decades ago, this weekend Death Cab for Cutie and Postal Service...
Conservative Seattle Blogger Enters 14th Year of Threatening to Leave Crime-Ridden Hellhole Forever
Following a traumatic encounter in which a sidewalk tent crossed into his line of sight, a conservative Seattle-based blogger declared today that he’s just...
Child-free Couple Sticking It Out for the Dogs
Despite losing the spark for each other and subsequently much of life itself years ago, local child-free couple Jared and Alicia Hodges said today...
