Shoplifting, JumpStart Tax, Misdemeanor Drug Use Force Mariners to Miss MLB Playoffs
Despite high hopes for consecutive years in the playoffs, the Seattle Mariners confirmed Saturday night they would not be making the MLB post-season this...
Green Jacket Lady from Fox News Interview Already Leading in Polls for Seattle’s Next Mayoral Election
Green Jacket Lady from Fox News Interview surged in Seattle mayoral polls today, already taking a gigantic 25-point lead ahead of current Seattle Mayor...
Cramped, Overpriced Corporate Store with No Parking or Anything On Your Shopping List Shutting Down Due to Safety Concerns
Bad news hit Seattle today when it learned two locations of a corporate chain that were always both more expensive and a pain-in-the-ass to...
Experts Find Brown Bear Tri-color Foam Car Wash Effective Alternative to Getting High
Leading scientists concluded in a study released today that splurging for a Brown Bear tri-color foam car wash is an effective alternative to getting...
Couple Celebrates 8th Straight Summer of Not Taking Ferry to Victoria
Tonight, a refrigerated bottle of fine Costco red wine is ready to celebrate Corey and Lisa Stottlemyre’s eighth consecutive summer of almost taking an...
Sara Nelson Assures Council Extra Jail Space for Illegal Drug Users Always Exists In Her Backyard Shroom Hallucinations
Faced with questions about how it’s even physically and financially possible to jail more people arrested for illegal drug use while the King County...
Sound Transit Announces They Really Don’t Want You to Take the Train Anymore
After weeks of reduced service without a schedule on Link Light Rail, years without real-time arrivals on platforms, and massive delays on system expansion,...
Chief Diaz Informs City They Didn’t Have to Believe He Doesn’t Have Side-Chick on Payroll So Fast
While somewhat thankful the entire city instantly believed him when he said that reports he hired a romantic affair partner to be a close...
Crowd Cheers as Beyoncé Gets In Formation, Goes Full Lemonade on Fleet of SPD Cruisers
After a long week of waiting for anyone to punish Seattle police union leaders caught on tape laughing at the death of a young...
Former SPD Chief Carmen Best’s Team at Microsoft Launches Text Deleter 365
A year and a half after being named Microsoft’s Director of Global Security Risk Operations, today Carmen Best—former Seattle Police Chief during 2020 protests...
