We Sat Down with Rep. Matt Gaetz and He Just Kept Asking Us When the Wendy’s Mascot Was Gonna Turn Legal
At The Needling, we pride ourselves on fair and balanced real fake news reporting, and sometimes that means reaching across the aisle for another...
JD Vance Relieved He Won’t Have Access to Oval Office Furniture Until After No Nut November
Incoming Vice President JD Vance quietly expressed his relief today that he wouldn’t suffer the temptation of Oval Office furniture until after No Nut...
Citing Bone Spurs, Trump Vows to Eliminate Veterans Day
After realizing he had at least four more years of Veterans Days events walking around and caring about anyone but himself, today President-elect Donald...
‘See, We Concede with Class,’ Says Liberal Shitting on Latinos Online All Day
After a brutal presidential election loss Tuesday, this week one liberal shitting on Latinos online harder and longer than anyone ever shit on Nancy...
Gov. Inslee to Seize Absolute Power with Covid Protocols Any Day Now
With less than three months until the end of his third and final term as governor, sources confirm Jay Inslee is finally expected to...
Washington Elects Nation’s First Fergalicious Governor
History was made tonight when Washington state elected the nation’s first-ever Fergalicious governor, Bob Ferguson.
“Our campaign and my upper back humps took our lovely...
Report: Chasing Approval of Total Dick Still Bad Idea
A groundbreaking report out today sent shockwaves throughout the will never learn their damn lesson community after it conclusively confirmed that chasing for approval...
“These People Drive Like Idiots,” Say 12,000 I-5 Drivers in Unison
In a display of universal synchronicity during today’s rush hour, a record 12,287 I-5 drivers collectively complained “you all drive like complete goddamn jagoffs”...
Fun Sized Candy Isn’t
Contrary to claims on the front of bags of confections packing grocery store aisles for the holiday season, reports are coming in from candy...
New Haunted Seattle Tour Guides Visitors Through Mariners Dugout
As of this week, fans of cryptic local history don’t always have to head down to Pike Place Market, Bill Speidel’s Underground Tour or...
