SPD Officer Instinctively Turns Off Body Cam Before Approaching Dark Turkey Meat
Today one Seattle police officer nearly ruined Thanksgiving after he instinctively turned off his body camera and reached for his sidearm while approaching the...
Dog Scientists Recommend Leaving Thanksgiving Turkey Unattended for 5 Minutes
As the nation prepares for Thanksgiving festivities, a panel of dog scientists released an official statement today recommending that you should leave the turkey...
Pardoned Turkey Looks an Awful Lot Like Hunter Biden
As reporters, White House staff and live online streamers gathered for President Joe Biden’s last turkey pardoning ceremony today, many could not help but...
‘Why Are You Being So Divisive?’ Asks Man Doing Everything in His Power to Hurt You and Everyone You Love
One local man was left confused today after his belligerent quest to hurt you and everyone you love was being met with such political...
Boeing Celebrates DB Cooper Day by Removing Plane Doors Mid-flight
Today Boeing commemorated the legendary sky-diving escape of hijacker D.B. Cooper—never to be seen again—on this day Nov. 24, 1971 by festively popping doors...
Washingtonians Look Forward to Final Ski Season
Today Washington residents say they’re absolutely stoked for the state’s final ski season before the entirety of humanity inevitably spirals into the fiery depths...
Man Worried All-Gender Bathroom Not Safe for Women Now That He’s In It
Today one brave, selfless man using an all-gender bathroom for the first time expressed concern for the safety of women now that he was...
Sound Transit Studies Proposal to Create Task Force for Development of Framework for Reducing Bureaucratic Overhead
The Sound Transit Board announced today a new effort to reduce their red tape budget by strongly considering a new whitepaper on the benefits...
RFK Jr. Vows to Ban Fluoride in Water, Add Lead
Today Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced his intention to finally ban fluoride in the nation's water supply...
The Needling Buys KOMO
This morning The Needling acquired local conservative TV news station KOMO to officially become Seattle’s leader in both real fake news and fake real...
