Seattle Mullet Association Inducts 5,000 New Members
Cheers and whoops erupted during this month’s virtual meeting of the Seattle Mullet Association as 5,000 new dues-paying members were inducted into the famed...
Morning Sidewalk Traffic Report: Couple Just Fucking Standing There
Pedestrians have been backed up in multiple directions and taking detours all morning due to a couple stalled in the left sidewalk lane, reportedly...
Target Unveils New High-Waisted Mom Masks
With the need for protective facial masks at an all-time high and Mother’s Day just around the corner, Target has unveiled the new High-Waisted...
Extrovert Enters Fifth Grueling Week of Introvert Bootcamp
Five weeks after enrolling in a mandatory home-based introvert bootcamp program led by roommates who grew up in Seattle, local extrovert and Texas transplant...
Man Getting Laid About the Same Rate as Before Virus
According to the latest data sets recorded over the last few weeks, researchers are confirming Mountlake Terrace resident Gerald Pataki, 34, is getting laid...
God Unleashes Plague of Beautiful Sunny Days to Blight People in Quarantine
After driving Seattle residents into their homes last month to quarantine away from a pandemic, God has unveiled Part 2 of his dastardly plan...
Fox News Insists Sacrificing Easter Bunny May Be Necessary to Save Economy
With Easter looming and no end to the Coronavirus pandemic in sight, Fox News political pundits have begun to surmise that a sacrifice of...
Local Woman Quickly Running Out of Spaces to Organize
Friends and family are growing increasingly concerned for one local woman who is dangerously close to running out of closets, drawers and shelves to...
Report: Grandma Still Waiting for You to Call
Multiple sources including your parents are reporting that your sweet old grandmother is currently still sitting in her big chair, half-watching I Love Lucy,...
Aw! 5 Adorable STDs That Still Think They’re Scary
Like a boogeyman in the sheets, STDs once haunted us with their terrifying prospects of oozing genitalia sores, searing urination, and increased chances of...
