Rudy Giuliani Slips From Shedded Skin to Elude Contact Tracers
CDC officials were left confused and thoroughly disgusted after former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani reportedly shed his outer layer of skin to escape the...
COVID-19 Tests Positive for Donald Trump
Despite COVID-19 being 2020’s second most divisive public figure, the world has united to send its thoughts and prayers to the deadly virus after...
Man Still Phone Banking For Love of the Game
As most Biden-Harris voters settled down Sunday after a full Saturday of partying, local Democrat Timothy Finnegan is still phone banking for what he...
Nation Chooses Correct Addle-Brained Septuagenarian
State election offices are confirming America’s voters have somehow narrowly managed to choose the correct addle-brained, white male septuagenarian to lead the country for...
Seattle Residents Quietly Inquiring How Much Actual ‘Liberal Bubble’ Would Cost
With pre-election anxiety at an all-time high, Seattle’s residents have reportedly started to inquire what it might cost to dome this fucker up and...
Comforting Sense of Normalcy Returns to Seattle as Mariners Miss Playoffs
Following a tumultuous year for the city of Seattle, a comforting sense of calm and normalcy has returned to the city as the Mariners...
Man Relieved Axe Wielding Maniac Looming in Doorway is Wearing Mask
While public mask debates continue across the nation, a local man was reportedly quite impressed with the courtesy shown to him by the axe-wielding...
New Zealand Just Showing Off Now
While American COVID-19 cases continue to rise, life has returned to normal in New Zealand after successfully containing the spread of the virus, leading...
Trump Supporters Alarmed as Airplane Oxygen Mask Suddenly Deploys from Hairpiece
Despite the President’s fervent insistence that he feels better than he did 20 years ago, many of his die-hard supporters at today’s event on...
Man Kinda Wishes He Knew Second Stimulus Not Coming Before He Spent $49 on Single Turnip at PCC
A Fremont man returned from PCC with a nasty surprise today after discovering that a second stimulus check would not eventually be arriving this...
