Childless Couple Thoughtfully Leaves Out Water Bowl for Friends’ Toddler
One childless couple reportedly went the extra mile ahead of a visit with longtime friends today after they thoughtfully left out a water bowl...
Relentless Pack of Girl Scouts Corners Man in QFC Parking Lot
A local man got more than he bargained for today when he was cornered in a QFC parking lot by a relentless pack of...
Howard Schultz Succeeded by New Starbucks CEO Robusto Cappuccini
Despite saying he might testify at a Senate hearing about his coffee conglomerate’s alleged union-busting’s efforts before a planned retirement next month, Howard Schultz...
‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Author Reveals Book Inspired by Sadomasochistic Relationship with E-Line Bus
In an exclusive interview with The Needling, Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James revealed her best-selling series was actually inspired by a brief...
6’5 Guy Not Such Hot Shit Now That He’s Blocking Everyone’s View at The Showbox
One local 6’5 guy has gone from dating-app darling to most hated man at The Showbox and perhaps beyond today after parking himself in...
Local Mom Blows Dust Off Uneaten Marshmallow Peeps for 7th Straight Year
Continuing an Easter tradition like no other, today one local Mom retrieved the uneaten marshmallow peeps from a box in the garage and blew...
Sick Bastard Puts Olive Oil in Coffee and Then Restricts Bathroom Access
As Howard Schultz prepares to take a bow at Starbucks, the CEO announced his final act would be infusing coffee with olive oil in...
Man in Head-to-Toe Carhartt Must Be Heading to Coal Mine After Shift at Vegan Dog Bakery
Customers at a local vegan dog bakery were impressed by the gritty work ethic of one of its Carhartt-clad employees, who everyone assumes must...
Sound Transit’s New Escher-lators Broken in Three Different Planes of Existence
Sound Transit’s rollout of their new multi-directional conveyance system was spoiled today after its newly installed escher-lators already broke down in three different planes...
Jeff Bezos’ Dog Walker Forced to Also Pee on Fire Hydrant
As conditions in Amazon facilities continue to come under fire, Jeff Bezos’ personal dog walker has stepped forward to reveal that he’s also forced...
