Julio Rodriguez Disappointed to Learn He Can’t Bring Home Run Trident on Roller Coaster
Mariners All-Star Julio Rodriguez was reportedly disappointed today when he was turned away from a Washington State Fair roller coaster after being told he...
Blood-soaked Mansion with Loose Murderer Inside Still Going for $900k on Zillow
Despite home prices reportedly going down after a housing market surge in which many million-dollar homes were bought with cash offers, one blood-soaked Seattle...
Environmental Disaster Declared After Defunct Theo Chocolate Factory Dumps Gallons of Crude Cocoa Into Fremont Cut
Following the closing of the beloved Theo Chocolate Factory last week, an environmental disaster was officially declared today after the chocolate containment was breached,...
Fremont Overrun with Concertgoers After Dave Matthews Accidentally Books Weekend at ‘The George’
Fremont was unexpectedly flooded by thousands of Dave Matthews fans today after his concert booker reportedly accidentally booked his annual weekend-long concert series at...
Report: Couple Finished Having Sex in Hot Tub Boat Moments Before You Got in There
As Seattleites continue to flock to South Lake Union to take advantage of warm summer weather, one unsettling new report reveals that a couple...
Pope Francis Loses Popemobile After Racing for Pink Slips at Kent Street Races
An international incident is brewing south of Seattle today after an impromptu pilgrimage to the Kent Street Races over the weekend resulted in Pope...
Conservative Seattle Blogger Enters 14th Year of Threatening to Leave Crime-Ridden Hellhole Forever
Following a traumatic encounter in which a sidewalk tent crossed into his line of sight, a conservative Seattle-based blogger declared today that he’s just...
Man Who Missed Bus Just Gonna Start New Life in West Seattle
After missing his bus back to Ballard during a weekend trip to West Seattle, one man has decided to do the sensible thing and...
Man Wins Seattlers of Catan by Hoarding All Gore-Tex Resources
One local man declared total victory over his opponents at Mox Boarding House today after deploying a bold “hoard all Gore-Tex resources” strategy to...
Lauren Sanchez Left at Home After Jeff Bezos Only Able to Score One Taylor Swift Ticket
Trouble in paradise is brewing for Jeff Bezos today after he made the controversial decision to leave his fiancée, Lauren Sanchez, at home when...
