Seattle Aquarium Touch Tide Pool Begs For Mercy
Years of quiet patience finally ran out today at Seattle Aquarium’s touch tidepool where starfish, anemones, sea cucumbers and many others came together to ask everyone’s grubby paws to, for the love of God...
Cool Thing Somehow Misplaced in Bellevue
Local officials announced today that they are opening a formal investigation into how a thing that is honestly pretty fucking cool ended up somehow obviously getting accidentally misplaced in Bellevue.
“We don’t know who made...
Wunderkind! This 8-year-old Designs Seattle’s Hottest Houses with Microsoft Paint
Bradynn Petersen is just like any other 8-year-old: He does his homework, plays soccer, and his favorite food is pepperoni pizza.
But there’s one thing that sets him apart from others his age: He’s...
Seattle Thanks Blue Angels’ Smoke Trails for First Overcast Weekend In Ages
Despite the value of the Blue Angels’ annual Seafair Airshow becoming increasingly divisive in Seattle, the entire city came together today to thank the fleet’s impressive smoke trails for giving the area its first...
Neighborhood Dads’ Lawn Care Cycles Sync After Father’s Day Fishing Trip
In a testament to how deeply they bonded together on a Father’s Day fishing trip this last weekend, the lawn care cycles of a local group of Beacon Hill neighborhood friends have reportedly synchronized.
“I...
Seattle’s Anti-Homeless Architecture Enters Art Deco Phase
Seattle’s elite are rejoicing today after the installation of new public fixtures with stylized geometric details designed to ward off people have signaled that the city’s hostile anti-homeless architecture is finally entering its Art...
Eastside Woman Thinks Seattle Friends Will Hang Out at Her Place Too
After stocking up her new Newcastle duplex with West Elm finishings for the living room and patio, Jennifer Rawley says she can’t wait for her Seattle friends to come over sometime on the weekend....
Fremont Solstice Organizers Draw Line at Naked Unicyclists
As onlookers eagerly awaited the free-spirited Fremont Solstice Parade’s naked bicyclists, event organizers announced that for the first time they had to draw line on who could participate when a band of naked unicyclists...
Woman Caught Sipping Pumpkin Spice Latte Month Earlier Than Legally Permitted Arrested
Today a local woman who thought she could get away with sneaking in a pumpkin spice latte a full month before it’s legal just because it was a little bit cloudy and crisp for...
Seattle Barbie Movie Audiences Baffled by Pointy Things Women Are Walking On
As throngs of people set out to watch and celebrate the long-anticipated Barbie movie now out in theaters, Seattle audiences were reportedly baffled by why so many of the female characters were painfully walking...
