Boomer Whispers ‘Vegan’ In Same Hushed Tone as ‘Cancer’
At a family gathering today, local baby boomer Aunt Patty shared news of millennial niece Grace Wilson’s decision to go vegan in the same...
Ballard Man “Likes the Idea” of Woodworking
In addition to hobbies such as sneering at beer and recounting unlistenable fishing stories, Ballard man Cole Wilkinson recently toyed with enjoying “the idea”...
Seattle Woman Celebrating Unseasonable Warmth With Long Walks Along Beaches Of Hyrule
For the past week, Seattleites have enjoyed uncharacteristically warm, sunny days and Ballard resident Natalie Stahl says she's no exception as she enjoys long,...
Uncharismatic Dog Not Up to Task of Carrying Tinder Profile
In addition to his full schedule of dogly duties, local canine companion Mr. Beefington has reportedly not been posing charismatically enough for his owner...
Lil Nas X Tells All About Filming Hell Scenes for ‘Montero’ in Cle Elum
Rapper Lil Nas X revealed today that his instant hit video for "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" was saved from going over-budget simply...
Unkempt Skagit Valley Tulips Engulf La Conner
A year’s worth of out-of-control, untended-to tulips descended upon La Conner, home of last year’s cancelled Skagit Valley Tulip Festival, engulfing the bulbous town...
Metro Transit to Offer Special ‘Chase That Bus’ Outdoor Fitness Classes
Fan favorite King County Metro announced today that they will begin offering a new service for area residents during the pandemic: cardio classes modeled...
Panicked Introverts Begin Inventing New Excuses as Vaccine Rolls Out
As vaccine rollouts continue at a remarkable pace, reports indicate frightened introverts across the nation have begun the long, difficult process of creating new...
Shocking! Controlling Man Declines Offer to Control Own Damn Self
Despite being a big fan of controlling how women, people of color and low-income residents should live their lives, local control freak, cop and...
Local Q-Anon Oscar Nominees Thank Academy of Child-Eating Lizardmen for Conspiring to Bestow Distinct Honor
Washington state Q-Anon stars of Borat Subsequent Moviefilm humbly thanked the Academy of Child-Eating Lizardmen today for conspiring to bestow upon them recognition for...
