Seattle Resident Ready to Return COVID Boyfriend to Tool Library
After keeping him throughout quarantine, Seattle resident Lisa Carroll announced today that her COVID lockdown boyfriend is ready to be returned to the free...
Local Woman Celebrates 5 Years of Acting Amused by Boyfriend’s College Drinking Stories
This holiday weekend, one lucky local lady is celebrating her fifth year of smiling and nodding while her boyfriend tells yet another story...
Research Shows ‘WandaVision’ Apparently Not Documentary About Wanda Sykes
Contrary to popular belief, researchers released a report today confirming that Disney+ hit, WandaVision, is in fact not a tell-all documentary about about beloved...
Single LGBTQ+ Employee Paraded Through Company Like Stanley Cup
In a historic first for the local corporate offices of SalesPusher.com, its senior marketing team’s staff victoriously acquired its first LGBTQ+ employee and promptly...
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Recognizes Nirvana Drummer’s Cute Little Side Project
In the spirit of promoting up-and-coming musicians, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced today that this year it would be recognizing a...
Thought of New Fast & Furious Film Only Thing That Kept Man Going Through Pandemic
While many turned to the support of family, friends, or newfound hobbies to endure the long lockdowns of 2020, it was the prospect of...
Melvins Discography Now Sentient, Multiplying on Its Own
Longtime Melvins fan Dana Garcia reports the band’s massive catalog appears to have come to life and is multiplying in her living room.
“I came...
‘No, We Don’t Even Drink Water,’ Says Muslim to White Coworker Who’s Had 2 Decades to Google That
In an annual show of performative curiosity, today local white coworker Lizzie Hedges asked her Muslim coworker Mariem Aloui the same question about Ramadan...
Newly Single Bill Gates Worried Date Only Into Him for His Tankards of Orphan Blood
Despite being completely fresh on the market with no strings attached, a newly single Bill Gates said he’s concerned the young employee he’s dating...
Local Woman Quells Anxiety About End of Mask Requirements with Weighted Gravity Mask
One local woman says she’s finally found a way to allay her anxieties about the gradual end of mask requirements by wearing a colorful...
