First Capitol Hill Resident in History Visits Friend in Other Neighborhood

Today a brave adventurer became the first Capitol Hill resident in history to ever visit a friend in another neighborhood. “We’ve been preparing Joey for...

Microsoft One-Ups OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson ChatGPT Voice with New Eddie Vedder-Voiced Assistant, Jeremy

In the race to be leader of the AI era, today Microsoft one-upped OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson-voiced ChatGPT by unveiling its new Eddie Vedder-voiced AI...

Cat on Leash as Weirded Out by This as You Are

Following a jaunt around Green Lake, local cat Meowntgomery Sinclair confirmed that they were just as weirded out about being seen on a leash...

Tech Employee Also Excited to Learn What He Does During Take Your Child to Work Day

After years of his daughter asking what he does all day at work, today local tech employee and father Mike Larson said he was...

Couple Who Killed 17 Houseplants This Year Announces They Are Ready to Have a Baby

Today a local couple who has killed no less than 17 houseplants in the past year was overjoyed to announce that they’re finally ready...

Fish and Wildlife to Consider Re-Introduction of Bears to Capitol Hill

With Gov. Jay Inslee’s blessing, this week the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife announced its plans to re-introduce giant, hairy bears to Seattle’s...

Report: Wild Raccoon Would Love to Be Adopted By You, If You Just Had the Courage To Make the First Move

A new report revealed that the wild raccoons hanging outside your house that you’ve been admiring would love to be adopted by you, if...

Chihuly Garden and Glass Shatters Museum Ceiling in Celebration of Women’s History Month

In an unforgettable show of solidarity, today Chihuly Garden and Glass ended its Women’s History Month festivities with a bang by literally shattering its...

God Celebrates Joint Earth Day and Passover by Sending New Plague to Save the Planet

To celebrate the rare combination of Earth Day and the first night of Passover happening on the same day, today God announced he’d be...

Israel Wins Oscar for Best Performance as ‘Victim’ in Ongoing Genocide

Despite stiff competition from the greatest actors in the world, tonight Israel won the Oscar for Best Performance as “Victim” in Ongoing Genocide, which...