As Seattleites prepared to celebrate 4th of July festivities around it again, today the West Seattle neighborhood of Alki finally publicly apologized for purchasing its Statue of Liberty from Temu.
“In our defense, it looked a lot bigger online,” said Alki Community Council President Frank Jefferson. “Also, I thought it said it was 305 feet tall just like the real one, but when it came in the mail it was actually 305 centimeters. I’m sorry—I should have known when they offered free shipping straight to my doorstep.”
The statue is also apparently not made of real bronze and quite fragile.
“We’re pretty sure it’s constructed of the same green plastic small army figurines are made of, so please don’t climb, touch or see what happens when you point a magnifying glass at her,” Jefferson said. “She’s too thick to melt, but you might be able to see that it still says, ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.’ No thanks! I voted for Harrell and Saka for a reason.”
At press time, an unknown mixture of chemicals that had spontaneously combusted her torch into a tiny flame to the delight of passersby was quickly blown out by a small breeze.
