New Off-leash Baby Park to Open in Capitol Hill
After years of complaints about parents letting their babies roam around off-leash in Capitol Hill’s Cal Anderson Park, today the City of Seattle announced...
Cinerama Theatergoer Not Sure If Chocolate Popcorn or Timothée Chalamet Performance Causing Vomit
Mere minutes into the highly anticipated re-opening of Seattle’s Cinerama featuring the just-released Wonka, one troubled theatergoer ran to the bathroom and reported she...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest...
Voters Pass Mental Healthcare Levy for People Who Always Think They’re Gonna Find Parking on Capitol Hill
Today’s latest ballot drop confirmed Seattle voters have approved a long-needed levy aimed at boosting mental health resources specifically for people who always think...
Sound Transit Board Announces Projected Date for Appointing New CEO Is 2045
Following the unexpected and early resignation of Sound Transit CEO Julie Timm on Tuesday, this morning the Sound Transit Board announced the projected date...
Mariners Reportedly Almost Reeled in Ohtani with $200,000, Unlimited Supply of Pike Place Market Fish
Although they ultimately lost out the bidding wars for the most desired baseball player in the world over the weekend to the Los Angeles...
Thousands of Santas Gather in Seattle to Crush Child’s Imagination Forever
Today a merry flurry of hundreds of red suits, white fur trim, long beards and jolly bellies came together in Seattle to crush one...
Naked Tree Seductively Drops Final Leaf
Eyes popped and tongues rolled out of panting mouths shouting “awoogah” today in Seattle when one naked tree culminated its dazzling, three-month strip tease...
Inclusive Gentile Coworker Follows Up Generous Passover Challah Gift with Hanukkah Matzo
Ever the champion for inclusion and cultural diversity, local gentile coworker Todd Wilkerson impressed his Jewish colleagues today by following up his impressive gift...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by...
