Israel Accidentally Convinces PETA to Support Ceasefire After Repeatedly Calling Palestinians Animals
After months of PETA voicing no support for ending the ruthless killing of more than 20,000 human civilians in Palestine, today the organization suddenly...
New Parents Excited Ballard Light Rail Line Will Be Finished in Time To Visit Kids at University of Washington
As more details emerge for a future Ballard Light Rail connection, new parents Jim and Claire Thompson are reportedly ecstatic that the light rail...
Seattle Mom Encourages Unemployed Son to Contact Seahawks HR Regarding Head Coach Position
Upon hearing the news of Seattle Seahawks’ Head Coach Pete Carrol’s departure, Seattle mom Kathy Davis, 78, is encouraging her unemployed son Patrick, 34,...
Local Civil Disobedience Expert Confirms Waving Tiny Flag at Home Way More Effective Than Shutting Down Traffic
After a week of debating whether it was really worth it for advocates of a ceasefire in Palestine to shut down I-5 near Downtown...
Blackstone Appoints Cruella de Vil to Oversee Rover Acquisition
To allay fears that too much would be changing after the announcement that private equity firm Blackstone would be buying Seattle-based Rover.com for a...
Seattle Parks Agrees to Turn Its Children’s Playground Proposal for Gay Nude Beach Into Adult Playground
After the local LGBTQ+ community came out strong against a city proposal to build a new children’s playground at a longtime gay nude beach,...
What It Means When Punxsutawney Phil Looks Stoned Out of His Mind
Most years, the future-predicting body language of the world’s favorite groundhog says something pretty straightforward every February 2: Are we gonna have six more...
Alaska Smooths Over Boeing MAX Blowout by Only Seating People Who Take Their Shoes Off During Flight Near Plug Doors
Following a dramatic incident in which a door flew off a Boeing 737 MAX during flight, Alaska Airlines reassured wary passengers today that they...
Sara Nelson Fills Vacant Seattle City Council Seat With Concrete Eco-Block
Today Seattle City Council President Sara Nelson announced her decision to fill Teresa Mosqueda’s vacant council seat with Concrete Eco-Block, one of the several...
Team of Male Scientists Discover Moisturizer Also Good for Moisturizing
Lauded as the most exciting scientific discovery of the decade, an all-male material sciences lab has announced Jergens Daily Moisturizer for Dry Hands can...
