Bellingham Changes Name to West Moses Lake in Hail Mary Attempt to Deter Transplants
Citing a drastic need to discourage transplants, Bellingham has officially changed its name to West Moses Lake in a last-ditch effort to further deter...
Area Reader Can’t Shut the Fuck Up About Silent Book Club
According to several friends, relatives and acquaintances, longtime area reader Allison Fentworth reportedly cannot shut the fuck up about her silent book club.
“Apparently, it’s...
How to Get Rid of Toxic Relationships by Becoming May Queen at Ballard’s Syttende Mai
There’s a lot of ways to get rid of toxic relationships according to your therapist, but none of them are quite as fun as...
Boss Celebrates Bike-to-Work Day by Giving Whole Office View of His Junk Jangling in Bike Shorts
As a special Bike-to-Work Day treat, this morning one local boss treated his entire Fremont office to a festive view of his junk jangling...
City Council Defunds Police Again with 23% Retroactive Raise That Only Goes to 2021, Not 1851
The Seattle Police Department was once again defunded today when the Seattle City Council approved a new union contract that only secured officers six-figure...
Climate Pledge Arena’s New Earth Day Promo Just $19 Beer Poured Directly into Your Cupped Hands
Environmental win! Climate Pledge Arena has reportedly made good on its namesake today after announcing a new planet-friendly promo for Earth Day offering a...
SDOT Admits It Always Thought ‘Vision Zero’ was About Getting to Zero Pedestrians
In an embarrassing and humbling admission, today the Seattle Department of Transportation confessed that for years they thought its “Vision Zero” goal had always...
Report: Rainbows Really Gonna Have to Level It the Fuck Up
A report released today after a thorough overnight research study of Aurora Borealis confirmed that rainbows are in fact going to need to level...
Local Deer Gonna Treat Self to Fanciful Little Frolic on Dimly Lit Road
In a heartwarming act of self-care, one local deer decided it was going to de-stress today by treating itself to a jaunty little stroll...
Boeing Relieved UW Protesters Just Mad About Israel Stuff
Amid louder calls for the University of Washington to completely divest from them, Boeing expressed relief that UW protesters at the Board of Regents...
