Ha! Local Man Spray Paints Penis On—Oh Shit, That’s a Different EV Brand
Fed up with the excuses people are making for still driving Teslas despite all the shame Elon Musk has brought upon the electric vehicle...
Mayor Harrell Orders Sweeps of Enchantments Campsites
Doubling down on what got him elected in the first place, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell hit his re-election campaign trail with a new...
Shirtless Steve Bannon Wins Ugly Sweater Contest
In a surprising finale to this year's CPAC Holiday Party, a shirtless Steve Bannon took home top honors in the evening's spotlight event, the...
Gingerbread House Day Sparks Discussions Around the Very Real Issue of Gingerfrication
While everyone loves Gingerbread House Day, this year the holiday is sparking conversations about whether it’s too problematic to celebrate due to the very...
Amazon Cuts Out Middle Man, Will Now Steal Your Packages Themselves
Today Amazon announced their commitment to offering a full-service shopping experience, which now includes stealing deliveries right off your porch themselves."Our business model has...
Emaciated Coca-Cola Polar Bears Maul Coke CEO
Tired of decades of habitat loss and starvation, today the beloved Coca-Cola Polar Bears reportedly took matters into their own paws by mauling the...
Bill Nye Awarded Medal of Freedom for Discovering What Happens When You Eat Marshmallows Dipped in Nitrogen
For the extraordinary scientific feat of discovering and then showing as many people as possible what happens when you eat marshmallows dipped in liquid...
Trump Pardons Howard Schultz for Moving Supersonics to Oklahoma City
President Trump's pardon spree continued today after he announced that he would formally pardon Howard Schultz for the unforgivable crime of moving the Seattle...
RFK Jr. Debuts New Free School Lunch Program
In his first order of business after the Senate confirmed him as President Donald Trump’s Health Secretary, today RFK Jr. unveiled the nation’s first...
High-Powered New Leaf Blower Moves 6 Whole Wet Leaves a Minute
Just in time for the late fall season’s soggiest and most stubborn damp leaves, an innovative, high-powered new leaf blower that just hit the...
