Canada Makes Washington 11th Province
In response to multiple threats by the United States to turn Canada into the 51st state, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney surprised Canadians and...
Norwegian Hot Dog Kindly Asks to Be Put Out of Its Misery
Today a Norwegian hot dog served in a dry tortilla to a transplant who’d never had one before kindly begged to be put all...
‘I’m from Seattle,’ Says Liar from Shoreline
In an astonishingly false statement, today local Shoreline resident Jeffrey Willows announced to a set of strangers that he is from Seattle.
The statement came...
Disturbing New Report Reveals Average American Swallows Several 7-11 Hot Dogs in Sleep Each Year
A disturbing new report released today reveals that the average American swallows up to a half-dozen 7-11 hot dogs in their sleep each year.
"It...
Parks Dept. Says Cybertruck Fires Must Be Put Out By 10 p.m.
After a few late-night gatherings got rowdy recently, today Seattle Parks instituted a new rule that everyone must put out their Cybertruck fires by...
No One Knows If Capitol Hill Block Party Lineup Good Except This Chick We Didn’t Feel Cool Enough to Ask
Sources are confirming there’s only one person who knows if the Capitol Hill Block Party lineup that dropped today is any good and, unfortunately...
Redmond Finally Relevant Enough to Be In Needling Headline
Thousands gathered in Redmond over the weekend at its two new Sound Transit light rail stations to celebrate the Seattle suburb finally being interesting...
Walla Walla: Come for the Wine, Stay Because You’re in Prison
Today the tourism board for the “town so nice they named it twice” officially changed its city slogan to “Walla Walla: Come for the...
Trump Wishes Himself a Happy Mother’s Day
As hardworking mothers across the country woke up this morning to flowers, breakfasts in bed, and macaroni art, today President Donald Trump told everyone...
ICE Deports Mariner Moose Back to Canada
The Mariner Moose was reportedly deported back to his native Canada by ICE agents today despite being a legal U.S. resident for the past...
