SPD to Provide 200 Officers to Guard Fluffy Animal Torture Event at Seattle Center
The Seattle Police Department announced today that they will be providing 200 officers free-of-charge to protect the constitutional rights of Purrshoot Church Northwest TM,...
Seattleite Emerges from Winter Cocoon as Anti-Social Butterfly
One local Seattleite reportedly emerged from his weighted-blanket chrysalis today and spread his wings as an anti-social butterfly.
"After six long months of winter isolation,...
Kennedy Center Adds 90 Minutes of RFK Jr.’s Warbled Scatting to Summer Jazz Series
Today the Kennedy Center amended their summer programming calendar to incorporate a full hour and a half of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s scratchy, trilled...
Microsoft Admits Its AI Is Just Clippy on Shrooms
After years of trying to convince people its various attempts at artificial intelligence software are on the cutting edge of innovation, today Microsoft admitted...
Local Conservative Clarifies He’s Only Okay with Wearing Masks to Ruin Lives, Not Save Them
Today a local conservative and ICE agent who cried bloody murder when asked to wear a mask during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic...
Jordan Peterson Bursts into Tears, Cancels Climate Pledge Show After Seeing Female-Dominated Workplace
Anti-woke commentator Jordan Peterson reportedly burst into tears and cancelled his show at Climate Pledge Arena today after being confronted with a female-dominated workplace.
"I...
Why a Man Who Threatened City Staff Investigating Wage Theft at His Men’s Only Club Is the Labor Hero Seattle Needs
MLK Labor is proud to give our sole endorsement for Seattle mayor to Bruce Harrell who—as a man who once threatened to defund a...
Federal Way Renames Itself Freeway Exit
After years of even its own residents being willing to get rid of their city’s admittedly lackluster name, today Federal Way announced it would...
Mariners Opening Day to Feature ‘Hot Dogs From Hell’ Cannon Fired Directly Into Fan’s Faces
The Seattle Mariners announced plans today to follow up on their popular Hot Dogs from Heaven promotion with a new Hot Dogs from Hell...
Mayor Harrell Debated Sweeps with Advisors in AOL Group Chat Accidentally Shared with City Reporter Hannah Krieg
In an absurd and inexplicable turn of events, today local city government watchdog journalist Hannah Krieg said Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell accidentally included her...
