Dick Pic Text Autocorrects Eggplant Emoji to Carrot
In an unprecedented advancement of smartphone technology, today one local man’s dick pic text autocorrected an eggplant emoji to a carrot.
“What the fuck? I...
Gardener Convinced Green Tomatoes Just Fucking With Her Now
After patiently doting on her tomatoes all summer and waiting for them to turn red whenever they were ready, today Bellevue gardener Roberta Nielson...
Seattleites Reiterate That Chris Pratt from Lake Stevens
In the wake of a viral interview quoting him as loving RFK Jr., Seattle residents once again gathered at an official press conference this...
Microsoft Implements Return to Work Somewhere Else Policy
Today Microsoft confirmed rumors that its Redmond headquarters is implementing a five days a week return to work somewhere else policy for all employees....
Bruce Harrell Quietly Changes LinkedIn Profile to Open to Work
After a 9.5-point Seattle mayoral primary loss to his underdog opponent Katie Wilson last week, his chief of staff’s resignation earlier this week, and...
Seattle Renounces Atheism Forever After Witnessing Resurrection of St. Rat
Long known as the most godless city in America, this week Seattle suddenly renounced atheism forever after witnessing the miraculous resurrection of St. Rat.
“I...
Gov. Ferguson’s Austerity Cuts Force Washington State Ferry Passengers to Swim the Last 30 Feet to Shore
Due to state budget cuts mandated by Gov. Bob Ferguson, today Washington State Ferries announced passengers of its aging and maintenance-prone fleet will now...
Desperate Bruce Harrell Shows Progressive Bona Fides at Denny Blaine Nude Beach
Fearful of losing ground to progressive challenger Katie Wilson, today Mayor Bruce Harrell was spotted showing his left-leaning qualifications at the Denny Blaine Park...
Orcas Offer Food to Humans After Becoming Aware of the Horror That Is the Seattle Hot Dog
Marine mammal researchers at the University of Washington have determined the likely cause for orcas bringing food to boaters is a primal disgust and...
Idiot Buys Blackberries at the Store
Several sources are reporting that a local idiot allegedly drove and walked straight past no less than three million free ripe blackberries growing literally...
