Trump, Rubio Back Off Greenland After Learning Its Snow Not Kind You Snort
After threatening to do so all week, the Trump administration is reportedly backing off plans to invade Greenland next after learning its snow is...
Trump Announces Plans to Acquire Alaska
After a weekend invasion of Venezuela followed by threats to several other nations including Greenland again, today President Donald Trump announced his administration also...
Seattle’s New Women’s Hockey Team Wins First Game, Speck on Seattle Times Sports Page
A packed Climate Pledge Arena went wild Wednesday night when new PWHL team the Seattle Torrent won their first game and a whole error-ridden...
Space Needle Puts On Stunning New Year’s Northern Lights Show
In a completely deliberate show of laser and firework show art innovation, this year New Year’s at the Needle put on a Northern Lights-inspired...
Spotify Wrapped Shows How Many Attack Drones Your Streams Bought
This year's Spotify Wrapped—the music app's annual recap of your listening habits—includes for the first time a tally of how many attack drones your...
Venezuela Bombs American Drug Yacht, Wiping Out Entire Sackler Family Cartel
Telling anyone who would listen “now this is how it’s fucking done,” today Venezuela bombed an American drug yacht near the Hamptons, killing all...
Dry January Really Just High January
Despite the first month of the year allegedly being Dry January, an entire month dedicated to not drinking alcohol, evidence gathered from one local...
Picky Orca Calf Won’t Eat Rich Unless Cut Into Little Yacht Shapes
Local marine biologists have discovered one picky orca calf won’t eat their rich unless their mom cuts them into little yacht shapes.
“Bigg's orcas usually...
Juicy Thanksgiving Turkey Obviously Got Saline Injections, Dermal Fillers
Rumors are swirling that the juicy turkey who just arrived at one local Thanksgiving dinner obviously got saline injections and dermal fillers done ahead...
Seattle Aquarium Holds Thanksgiving ‘Orc-Porp-Phin’ Feast for Wealthy Donors
A clandestine Thanksgiving tradition was uncovered this week as intrepid Needling reporters revealed that a cabal of wealthy Seattle Aquarium donors were treated to...
