Delivery Driver Blissfully Unaware Package He’s Risking Life to Drop Off Just Box of Smucker’s Uncrustables
As Seattle’s fleet of gig economy workers have been transformed into the lifeline of the city virtually overnight, one delivery driver is blissfully unaware...
Police Nationwide Debut New Mascot, Malfie the Conveniently Malfunctioning Body Camera
Police departments nationwide announced today that everyone now has something better to focus on than the countless and inexcusable murders their most heartless officers...
Furious Millennial Catches Parents Sneaking Out For 4 p.m. Take-out Dinner Special
Sources are reporting that local boomer parents Sam and Pam Daniels were caught allegedly sneaking out of the house today for a mid-afternoon dinner...
GOP Considers Allowing Women to Vote by Male
Although national Republican leadership are against expanding vote-by-mail access that could reduce virus transmission while increasing participation in this November’s presidential election, all announced...
‘Not All Who Wander Are Lost,’ Posts Quarantined Travel Blogger On Awe-Inspiring Trip to Dumpster
Needling travel correspondent Vegan Vagabond is back with a special dispatch from her Capitol Hill apartment complex.
By Vegan Vagabond
The moment the heavy, modern doors...
Local Couple Now Speaks Entirely in Gibberish Following Prolonged Quarantine with Baby, Pet Dog
The prolonged quarantine has reportedly taken its toll on local Green Lake couple Tom and Megan Kinsdale as their constant isolation with only their...
11 a.m. Door Slam, Dog Bark Right on Schedule
Local furloughed employee Adam Wyland confirmed once again upon waking this morning that while most of his life seems especially uncertain during the pandemic,...
Citing ongoing confusion, Market officially changes name to Pike’s Place
Due to the dumbest possible circumstances, Pike Place Market officials have announced they are changing the 112-year-old public market’s name so as to not...
Sammamish River Trail Bicyclist Just In It for the Ring-a-Ding-Ding
After several consecutive days of overzealous bike-bell ringing at strangers walking along the Sammamish River Trail, Redmond bicyclist Dean Higgins admitted that his avid...
Cougar Mountain Summer Retreat Cancellation Wreaks Havoc Among Bellevue Housewives
The COVID-19 pandemic has claimed yet another beloved, annual tradition—the Cougar Mountain Summer Retreat—leaving housewives across Bellevue devastated in its wake.
Cancellation of the long-awaited...
