Man Wearing Mask for First Time Learning Alarming Truths About Own Breath
As the nation continues to adjust to the new realities of life during the COVID-19 pandemic, many first-time mask wearers are learning alarming truths...
Single Lucid Moment in 4 Weeks Praised as ‘Very Presidential’
The President took a momentary pause from hooting at the podium like a monkey congratulating itself for pissing on its own balls today to...
State Approved to Enter Phase Fuck It
After almost four months of stay-at-home orders amid this year’s deadly coronavirus pandemic, local residents say Washington State has finally been approved for Phase...
Fremont Solstice Partners with Peloton for Naked Exercise Bike Ride
Seattle’s famed Fremont Solstice Parade held this year’s naked, at-home bike ride in partnership with popular exercise bike company Peloton today, a move that...
Spring Cleaning Put Off Until Next World-Halting Pandemic
The build-up to a local man’s much-anticipated goal of spring cleaning his home climaxed today with the sobering realization that there now isn’t enough...
Seafair Unfortunately Still on for 2021
This year’s Seafair festival has been officially cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it’s not all good news: The Seafair foundation does not...
Local Couple Expecting First Dog
After several months of keeping their secret to themselves, Julia and Connor Seblisky of Crown Hill have announced on Pinterest-inspired stationary that they are...
Father-Son Phone Call Enters Record 14th Minute Following First Sports Event in Months
After the cancellation of most sports events nationwide resulted in a disheartening downturn in father-son phone calls, spirits rose again as a recent call...
Joe Biden Endorsement Mumbled Under Breath
As August’s Democratic National Convention draws near, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden has secured another important endorsement today from a local representative who took...
New WebMD Party App Lets You Misdiagnose with Friends
In the spirit of social unity during the coronavirus pandemic, popular panic-inducing medical site WebMD has announced the launch of the new WebMD Party...
