Following Campus Attacks, Betsy DeVos Eager to Hear Virus’s Side of the Story
Although recent school and college reopenings immediately resulted in raging COVID-19 outbreaks infecting thousands of students and nearby residents, today U.S. Secretary of Education...
Wolverines Return to Washington State Convention Center for First Time Since Comic Con
Animal conservationists and comic book nerds alike are abuzz today after this morning’s surprise sighting of the first Wolverines to return to the Washington...
Durkan’s Police Defunding Plans Just Very Realistic Cake
A week after Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan handed out copies of her police defunding proposal, skeptical activists finally dug into the documents today only...
Local Woman’s Nightly Self-Care Routine Just Switching to Series of Smaller Devices
Local Instagram influencer Megan Murray has garnered public praise in health and wellness circles today after finally spilling the secrets of her highly successful...
Endangered Robosaurus Population Returns to Empty Tacoma Dome, Puyallup Fairgrounds
As the ongoing pandemic has kept most residents in the safety of their own homes, local animal populations continue to reclaim native habitats including...
Officer Just Likes to Watch
While many of its police officers have been accused of excessive force and a wanton disregard for the right to peacefully protest, the Seattle...
Underperforming Succulent Relegated to Toilet Decoration
After weeks of hoping for improvement came to no avail, avid Wallingford house-plant recruiter Martin Blanc said he made the difficult choice today to...
Desperate Republican Party Exhumes Ronald Reagan’s Body for RNC
With President Trump’s poll numbers lagging behind and desperation setting into the Republican party, his sons, Eric and Don Jr., have reportedly exhumed the...
Local Man Assumed He’d Have Couple More Phases to Work on Summer Bod
After months of eating junk and binge-watching Netflix on his couch, one doughy local man says he’s been blindsided by the sudden and simultaneous...
Gov. Inslee Under White House Pressure to Add Trump’s Face to Gum Wall
Following a recent inquiry President Trump made about having his head added to Mount Rushmore, details have emerged of a call Governor Jay Inslee...
