Rainier Beer Unveils New Seattle-themed Seltzer Flavors Green Lake Water, Dick’s Deluxe and Gum Wall
Iconic Seattle beer brand Rainier has recently announced that they are hopping on the red-hot hard seltzer wave, revealing a bevy of new locally...
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Recognizes Nirvana Drummer’s Cute Little Side Project
In the spirit of promoting up-and-coming musicians, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced today that this year it would be recognizing a...
Pioneer Square Man Ranting About Decline of Humanity Actually Just Dori Monson
Several local citizens today discovered a disheveled Pioneer Square man ranting about Seattle’s demise via cannibalistic homeless gangs and The Seahawks to be none...
Thought of New Fast & Furious Film Only Thing That Kept Man Going Through Pandemic
While many turned to the support of family, friends, or newfound hobbies to endure the long lockdowns of 2020, it was the prospect of...
Amazon Launches Audit of U.S. Government After Owing $9 in Taxes
The United States government is currently undergoing a gigantic audit by Amazon, its corporate overlord, after the tech giant discovered today that the nation...
Lone Black Employee Given Honor of Creating, Running Diversity Committee
In an unprecedented and grand gesture to celebrate their commitment to diversity, local law firm Piper, Hitler, & Jenkins paid homage to accountant Jeni...
Amazon Prime Day Leak Reveals List of Local Politicians You Can Buy
An Amazon.com Prime Day website glitch today accidentally revealed a list of deals on local Seattle politicians who can apparently be bought at a...
Junebaby Releases New Walkout Menu
Following its temporary closure due to a pandemic of famous chefs like Edouardo Jordan sexually harassing and exploiting women on staff, today local award-winning...
Loud Car Crash Unites Neighborhood More Than Pandemic Ever Could
A quiet street in Green Lake experienced an unprecedented moment of unity today after a loud car crash sent residents pouring out of their...
Washington State Officially Renames ‘Slow’ Lane to ‘Passing Your Slow AF Ass’ Lane
After years of failing to convince thousands of Washington State drivers that freeway left lanes are for passing, not blocking and babysitting everyone who...
