Seahawks Trade Russell Wilson for NFT of Lombardi Trophy
The Seattle sports landscape was shaken up today after it was announced that Russell Wilson, perennial Pro Bowl quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, was...
COVID Not Mad You Forgot Anniversary, ‘It’s Fine’
Despite the two intimate years you spent intertwined in each other's lives, the COVID-19 virus is reportedly not mad that you forgot the two-year...
Baseball Lockout Threatens Mariners’ Missed Postseason Streak
With news that the first two series of the season have been cancelled due to the Major League Baseball (MLB) owners continued lockout of...
Report: KOMO’s Jonathan Choe Absolutely Sure This Is a Live Shot of Downtown Seattle
In a live Project Seattle #HomelessIndustrialComplex special airing on KOMO today, reporter Jonathan Choe bravely revealed that—contrary to what anyone experienced this morning while...
Report: Nation’s Dogs Working on New COVID Variant in Attempt to Keep Owners at Home
A shocking report leaked today reveals that the nation’s dogs are currently in development of the next COVID-19 variant in an attempt to keep...
Bellevue Hit-and-Run Narrowed Down to 800 Teslas
Today Bellevue detectives announced a break in last week’s unsolved hit-and-run case, which has now narrowed suspects down to the owners of only 800...
Local Pothole Just Begging City to Fill It Up
In a desperate attempt to get paved, a deep, gushing pothole in Crown Hill is pleading for the city to spill hot asphalt all...
Researchers Confirm Unread Anti-racism Books Double as Shield Against All Accusations of Racism
After more than a year of rigorous investigation, researchers at Seattle Public Schools’ administration office confirmed findings today proving that holding up unread books...
Local Man Takes Break from Doomscrolling to Go on Doomjog
Heeding self-care and mental health advice to stop doomscrolling, one responsible local man broke away from his social media newsfeeds this afternoon for a...
Stevens Pass Solves Ski Season Staffing Problems with Unstaffed ‘Backcountry Days’
After weeks of its season pass holders complaining of overcrowded parking lots and ski lifts due to the resort not paying its workers enough...
