Ghost of Jimi Hendrix Also Bummed It Has to Drive to Renton to Visit Grave
Ghost of late guitar legend Jimi Hendrix reluctantly visited his Renton Highlands gravesite under the duress of out-of-town guests today, a Greenwood Memorial Park...
Howard Schultz Crashes Wedding to Stop Marital Union from Being Recognized
Howard Schultz’s anti-union crusade continued today after the interim Starbucks CEO crashed a local wedding to prevent the couple’s marital union from being recognized.
“I...
Deep-fried Omicron Booster Debuts at Washington State Fair
The surprise hit of this year’s Washington State Fair, adventurous patrons are skipping carnival rides to wait in line for beer-battered, butter-slathered, deep-fried Omicron...
Seattle Residents Forced to Seek Refuge Underground as Leaf Blowers Render Surface Uninhabitable
Just when Seattleites thought it was safe to go outside after this month’s Smokepocalypse, weary residents have been forced to seek refuge underground as...
Scientists Make First Contact with Lost Civilization Discovered in West Seattle
Following the long-awaited reopening of the West Seattle Bridge, local scientists were shocked to discover that a lost civilization was thriving in the remote,...
West Seattleite Too Excited About Bridge Re-Opening Blows Own Load Test
Upon hearing SDOT’s confirmation today that the repaired West Seattle Bridge had passed its final load test before re-opening this Sunday, one West Seattleite...
15 Signs You’re Too Cozy To Go Out Tonight, Seattle
As the sun sets on Seattle, the dreary elements, seasonal depression and packs of wild raccoons descend rapidly on our fair city. The warm...
SPD Attempts to Arrest 68,740 People After New ShotSpotter Tech Reports Loud Noises at Lumen Field
A pilot program of Mayor Bruce Harrell’s new ShotSpotter gunshot detection technology ran into a snag this last weekend when the Seattle Police Department...
God Clears Schedule to Watch Russell Wilson Smite the Seahawks
Ahead of a Monday Night Football matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos, God has reportedly cleared his schedule to watch Russell Wilson’s...
Mariners Wear New All-Leather Uniforms to Edge Fans for One Last Day
The Mariners surprised the sold-out crowd at T-Mobile Park today with all-leather home alternate uniforms to better edge their fans’ playoff division series hopes...
