Quiz: Is It Organ Failure or Did You Just Watch That Mariners Game?
Your knees are weak, there’s an unmistakable taste of bile in your mouth, and your stomach feels like you’ve just eaten a half-dozen questionable...
Mayor Harrell Salutes Homeless Veterans as Unified Care Team Sweeps Them into Tukwila
In his first Veterans Day as mayor of Seattle, today Bruce Harrell thanked and saluted hundreds of local homeless veterans as his newly formed...
Elon Musk Taps Russell Wilson to Lead Twitter’s Cringey Viral Meme Unit
After firing half of his staff this week, Elon Musk announced today he’s using the social media company’s extra budget to tap former Seahawk...
Green Lake Paddle Boarders Spotted Migrating I-5 South for Winter
Nature lovers rejoiced in Seattle today as massive flocks of Green Lake-native paddle boarders started their annual migration I-5 South to warmer California climes.
“Nature...
Washington State Election Officials Announce Local Races Too Close to Night Night to Call
With the future of the nation’s democracy hanging in the balance, Washington state election officials reported at precisely 8:05 p.m. tonight that today’s Senate...
Local Casanova Comes to Bed Wearing Nothing but ‘I Voted’ Sticker
With election results expected to pour in long into the night, one local Casanova wooed his lover by coming to bed wearing nothing but...
‘Voting Is Pointless,’ Reports Little Shit Who Doesn’t Know What a Pre-Existing Condition Is
Bravely rejecting mainstream and status quo forms of preserving democracy, today one local 24-year-old little shit who’s never had to worry about a pre-existing...
Fremont Troll Clarifies Kraken Mascot Only Related by Marriage
After the Seattle Kraken unveiled their new mascot, Buoy, was the nephew of the Fremont Troll, the beloved local bridge troll was quick to...
All Washington Ferries Outfitted with ‘Student Driver’ Stickers
After facing staff shortages and a string of recent ferry crashes, today WSDOT finally announced plans to prevent future collisions caused by inexperienced captains...
Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing Median Housing Prices
As bears reach their most active foraging season to prepare for winter hibernation, park rangers are advising hikers this fall that the most effective...
