SeaTac Airport Cell Phone Lot Officially Classified as New Portal to Hell
In a joint press conference today, the FAA and Vatican confirmed that those selflessly waiting in the Sea-Tac Airport Cell Phone Lot to pick...
Young Man Invited to Apply for Cashier Position After Performance at Self-checkout
The Ballard PCC staff room is buzzing with excitement today over the potential recruitment of grocery store regular Ethan Bilmore, who was invited to...
Holiday Choir Concert Features Record-Breaking Two Hanukkah Songs
A local holiday choir audience was left stunned today when the King County Community Chorus achieved the previously unthinkable milestone of including a record-breaking...
Space Needle Insists It’s Not That Small, It’s Just Cold Outside
As winter creeps closer and thermostats continue to drop, the Space Needle has once again come forward to insist that it’s not actually that...
Tickets Selling Out Quickly for Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam
Event organizers for what in recent years has become Seattle’s hottest ticket say spectator spots for the annual Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam are...
Howard Schultz Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Howard “Darth” Schultz has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the...
Dispensary Worker Wearing Polo Really Throwing Everyone Off
In what many marijuana users described as “unsettling,” “demons play,” and “probably a trap,” Ballard budtender Chester Hedgerow has recently been causing a stir...
Disgraced Police Officer Just Asked to Grow Weird Little Mustache Before Being Rehired
After an officer-involved shooting incident last night led to rare disciplinary action, this morning one disgraced Seattle police officer was just asked to just...
Dave Chappelle, Elon Musk Refuse to Use They/Them Pronouns for Trans-Siberian Orchestra
After getting booed for 10 minutes straight at a San Francisco show earlier this week, brave free-speech activists Dave Chappelle and Elon Musk found...
Ugh: Neighbor’s Fucking Saturnalia Decorations Already Up
In what feels like a tradition that arrives earlier and earlier
each year, seasonal Saturnalia decorations have already begun to spring up all
over Seattle.
“Look, I...
