Giant Hole in Front of Seattle City Hall Finally Converted into Giant Ball Pit
Finally giving up all hopes of a developer ever building anything inside the empty, gaping hole that’s been sitting in front of Seattle City...
Jeff Bezos’ Dog Walker Forced to Also Pee on Fire Hydrant
As conditions in Amazon facilities continue to come under fire, Jeff Bezos’ personal dog walker has stepped forward to reveal that he’s also forced...
West Seattle Woman Too Goth to Even Work At Luna Park Café
According to shocked local witnesses, yesterday Morticia Wormwood was turned away from a job interview at West Seattle’s famous 50’s diner, Luna Park Café,...
Biden SOTU Wins Over Nation with Hourlong Show-and-Tell of What Was in the Balloon
President Joe Biden sent his approval ratings soaring higher than ever before tonight after using the entirety of his State of the Union speech...
New Canlis Menu Written by ChatGPT Promises ‘Cunnilingus Adventure for Your Taste Birds’
No stranger to experimentation, famed dining destination Canlis reportedly asked AI chatbot ChatGPT to write tonight’s special menu, but discovered they might have a...
Seattle ‘Love Is Blind’ Singles Instantly Fall in Love Over Shared Passion for Avoiding Eye Contact
A teaser trailer out today for this season’s Seattle-based “Love Is Blind” dating reality show reveals this may be the series’ most successful yet...
Space Needle Waiting Whole Life for This Moment
As a suspected Chinese high-altitude surveillance balloon floated high over the US today, the Space Needle assured Seattle locals that it had been waiting...
Millennial Blocked from Entering Neumos by Horde of Feral Gen Z Dancers
Capitol Hill millennial Sandy Miller was allegedly denied entry into a Neumos Emo-Nite show tonight by what many say they can only describe as...
5 Ways to Hide Your Schadenfreude When You Find Out a Tech Bro Just Lost His Job
As thousands of tech industry workers face the difficulty of losing their jobs—including 9,000 Amazon workers laid off this week alone—it’s saddling thousands more...
Jealous Daffodil Day Flower Confesses It Ordered the Hit on Pike Place Market Cherry Trees
Just a week after eight beautiful cherry trees lining the entrance to Pike Place Market were butchered right before they were set to blossom...
