After people all over the city couldn’t resist asking once noticing their remarkable resemblance, today Seattle’s Green Lake confirmed there is no relation between its iconically slimy green body of water and the Washington, D.C. Reflecting Pool.
“Can’t blame anyone for wondering—even I did one of those Toxic Algae-and-Me lab tests through the mail just to make sure and nope, just a coincidence we look and feel like a swamp right in the middle of a city,” said Green Lake. “It turns out I am, however, distant cousins with Angle Lake and Star Lake—I didn’t even know those places were real! Still not visiting.”
Asked what advice Green Lake had for the Reflecting Pool that’s captured the nation’s attention ever since it turned bright green, it said to “just own it.”
“I know everyone says it’s bad that it looks like we’re full of toxic algae blooms and other cyanobacteria that sickens people and pets—and we are—but what’s so bad about that? It’s called enforcing boundaries,” Green Lake said. “Can you imagine how many more weirdos would be peeing in me all summer long if I didn’t give out as many rashes that are first mistaken as STDs as I do? I’d have to rebrand to Yellow Lake.”
Green Lake’s last word of advice was to never blow $14 million on a bad dye job again and just be glad it never has to worry about having the red tide.
