Inspired by President Donald Trump’s genius tactic to increase his safety against all sworn enemies, today a rural armed militia on the border of Eastern Washington and Idaho has already converted its compound into a gilded ballroom.
“It just clicked for us over the weekend that if we ever want to be able to rise up against any government except Trump’s of course, we’re gonna need more than a giant cache of weapons of the likes you’ve never seen—we need a ballroom big and nice enough for a proper foxtrot,” said Three Percenter Clive McCundy. “Something always felt a little bit off about living in a rickety wooden shack that’s barely still standing, but it became clear what was missing as soon as we started gold spray painting the frames on the gaudy mirrors we got for 70% off at a Spokane TJ Maxx this morning—instantly felt light and high as a feather. If there’s one place a random guy can’t suprise-attack you with running really fast, it’s a well-crafted ballroom.”
As soon as liberals widely panned the idea of Trump using a gold-encrusted ballroom to protect his safety, McCundy said they knew they had to build their own.
“Just like they don’t want us to have guns, they don’t want us to have ballrooms,” Clive said as he cocked his rifle. “Well they can take our ballrooms way from our cold, dead, white gloved hands.”
At press time, the ballroom’s first waltz was underway after McCundy asked an AR-15 if he could please have this dance.
