Today’s new update to the OneBusAway app added a much-requested feature that now lists the arrival time status for buses as “never” whenever they have by all indications fallen into a deep cavity of the endless abyss.
“Previously, the app would just tell you it was 5 minutes away, then 3, then NOW, and then back to 5 in an endless loop,” explained OneBusAway technician Aiden Carroll. “But this new update more accurately depicts the fact that your bus has clearly entered a black hole sun where neither time nor space is relevant—sucked into a bagel, if you will. Now users will be granted the more accurate insight that if they stay at their stop will be stuck waiting endlessly on this mortal coil.”
Programmers debated the equally popular request of a “just start walking” notification, but felt that the nihilistic emptiness of “never” was more appropriate.
“Sometimes traffic is just really bad,” said Metro driver Taylor Walhaut as their bus floated softly through the weightless expanse of quiet nothingness. “One minute you are in the Mercer Mess, the next you enter an indescribable liminal space. Sort of like between sleep and awake, or between the Mariners and a World Series win.”
The update has already been a big hit, with Sound Transit already interested in using a similar technology to notify customers about escalator maintenance.
