15 Signs You’re Too Cozy To Go Out Tonight, Seattle
As the sun sets on Seattle, the dreary elements, seasonal depression and packs of wild raccoons descend rapidly on our fair city. The warm glow of your home will call out to you, its...
Woman Reports Living in Renton Really Not That Bad
Friends of Renton resident Rachel Hensley are concerned tonight after she reported during happy hour that living in her current city really isn’t that bad.
“You guys look at me like I’m flying in...
Cap’n Jeff Bezos Leads Prime Day Pirates to SLU Shores
In what is fast becoming a loathed Seattle tradition, Cap’n Jeff Bezos again led his rag-tag crew of Prime Day Pirates to South Lake Union shores today, horrifying anyone who had not yet seen...
Bothell Man to Sneak Joint Into Hempfest
Bothell resident Charles Campbell said he was ecstatic today
to announce his plans to sneak a joint into Hempfest, which he’s clearly
attending for the first time.
"I know it's legal to have pot in Seattle...
Face Mask Shortage Leading to Unexpected Rise in BDSM Experimentation
Amid
severe shortages of face masks during the worldwide coronavirus pandemic, reports
are flooding in that homes across the country are experiencing a rapid rise in
BDSM erotic bondage, kinbaku and figging.
Experts say it began in...
Tinder’s New Spinoff App ‘Contact’ Matches People Based on Who Infected Them
Responding quickly to the drastic cultural changes that came with the pandemic-era dating scene, today Tinder launched a new spinoff dating app that matches people based on who infected them with Covid-19.
“Get infected at...
Report: Majority of 30s Spent Undoing 20s
A startling report published today revealed for the first time that the majority of your 30s will be spent undoing the untold damage that you accrued during your 20s.
“I hate to be the bearer...
Local 57-Year-Old Still Enjoying ‘Young Adult’ Status at Church
While some bemoan the dwindling numbers of faithful Christian followers at churches all across the Pacific Northwest, local 57-year-old churchgoer Sarah Bostwick says she’s still enjoying her 40-year-long status in her congregation as a...
Man Picking Nose In Background of 70,000 UW Cherry Blossom Photos
This week one local man who failed to discreetly pick his nose wound up in the backgrounds of at least 70,000 photos of this year’s cherry blossom bloom at the University of Washington.
“I only...
Fremont Overrun with Concertgoers After Dave Matthews Accidentally Books Weekend at ‘The George’
Fremont was unexpectedly flooded by thousands of Dave Matthews fans today after his concert booker reportedly accidentally booked his annual weekend-long concert series at “The George” instead of “The Gorge.”
“Oh man, Dave is so...
