Wildlife Camera Catches First Footage of Walking Rainier Bottle Mating with Ivar’s Dancing Clam
Today a hidden wildlife camera caught the first known footage of the much-rumored and not-until-now confirmed mating ritual between two of the Pacific Northwest’s most majestic and elusive beasts: the walking Rainier “R” bottle...
Bob Ferguson Hoping to Follow Carmen Best Endorsement with Howard Schultz, Russell Wilson
After his campaign for governor received a clutch endorsement last week from Carmen Best—a former Seattle police chief and public records violator he refused to investigate for some reason—today Attorney General Bob Ferguson said...
Local Man Fondly Recalls When Seattle Residents Could Actually Afford Homes to Do Drugs In
Lemonade in-hand as grandchildren gathered around his porch rocking chair, today Seattle native Allan Smith happily reminisced on the days of yore when Seattle residents were actually able to purchase the homes they did drugs...
36-Year-Old Son Panics, Reverts to Giving Mom Finger Painting
In a frightened, last-ditch effort to surprise his mommy with the perfect Mother’s Day gift, local 36-year-old man and State Farm agent Zeke Gibson presented his mother with a treasure trove of finger paintings...
Upper Middle Class White Men Finally Have Safe Space to Gather This Week at Seattle Boat Show
After a harrowing year of having no other safe space to gather, local upper middle class white men will once again finally have a place to discuss the issues plaguing their community with the...
Seattle Parks Says Fuck It, All Parks Are Dog Parks
Today Seattle Parks and Recreation announced its new “You Know What? Fuck It” policy permanently designating all city-owned parks as off-leash dog parks.
“Most park lovers may have noticed that the city unofficially said fuck...
5 Places to See the Fall Foliage Shrivel and Explode into Dust
Looking for the PNW’s top spots to see the region’s parched fall foliage shrivel and explode into dust before your Doc Martens, Red Wings or Hunter boots even get the chance to do it...
Woodland Park Zoo Publicly Apologizes for Inviting Ozzy Osbourne to Perform at ZooTunes
Woodland Park Zoo has issued an apology today after heavy metal pioneer Ozzy Osbourne was caught trying to eat several bats housed in the nocturnal exhibit during his performance at the ZooTunes concert series.
“We...
Ferry Runs Aground After Seafair Pirates Force Captain to Walk the Plank
A state ferry sustained heavy damage and ran aground in West Seattle today after the beloved Seafair Pirates commandeered the ferry and forced the captain to walk the plank.
“Arr, well Seafair be canceled for...
Local Seattle Native Fondly Recalls When Unicorns Once Frolicked Along Third Avenue
Although the pummeled rubble of Downtown Seattle today is virtually indistinguishable from that of bombed-out World War II London, one local Seattle native says he recalls a time when unicorns once peacefully frolicked along...
