Alex Honnold’s Credibility Questioned After Reports He Uses Ropes in Offseason
Shocking reports from Smith Rock State Park surfaced today after eyewitnesses claimed to have seen legendary free-solo rock climber Alex Honnold using a rope...
Pete Carroll Replaces Gum with Turkey Giblet
Looking to rebound from the recent retirement announcement of his longtime chewing gum, today Seahawks coach and chronic masticator Pete Carroll revealed what’s already...
Russell Wilson’s Middle Finger Struck Down by God for Flipping Someone Off for First Time Ever
Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson’s middle finger on his throwing hand was immediately struck down by God Thursday night at Lumen Field when he violated...
Seattle Sports Losing Streak Continues After LA Reclaims Worst Arena Title
As if a recent streak of losses for the Seahawks, Kraken and Huskies wasn’t painful enough, Seattle sports fans were reportedly devastated to discover...
Sold-out T-Mobile Park Crowd to Go Home with Commemorative Mariners Blue Balls
Although a thrilling week of games ended in elimination from the MLB playoffs Sunday, a sold-out T-Mobile Park crowd of fans didn’t go home...
Pete Carroll’s Gum to Retire at End of Season
In a move that shocked football fans everywhere, today Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll’s longtime chewing gum, Chewy Bubble-Yum, announced his intent to retire from...
Fan Cheated of Authentic Mariners Experience After Attending Winning Game
After waiting for more than a year to attend one of their games again at T-Mobile Park last night, Mariners fan Sammy Sandoval said...
Local Hardware Shop Worker Wins Gold in ‘Camper or Murderer?’ Guessing Competition
In a stunning upset against Pacific Supply’s Wyatt Binder, longtime Stoneway Hardware worker Matt Hartaway came away from this year’s Pacific Northwest Olympics Camper...
Climate Change Officially Undeniable as Mariners Catch Fire for First Time in Ages
A worldwide consortium of scientists confirmed this morning that climate change is officially undeniable after even the Mariners caught fire for the first time...
Seafair Hydroplane Racers Compete in Virtual Motorboating Event
Despite in-person Seafair events being cancelled by the pandemic for the second year in a row this year, local hydroplane fans were overjoyed to...
