How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Mariners’ Season to Collapse Like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
It’s mid-August and right about now a familiar thought creeps into the back of every fan’s mind—when is this whole thing going to fall...
Jenny Durkan Named ‘Special Corruption Advisor’ Ahead of 2026 FIFA World Cup
Losing no time to prepare after today’s announcement that Seattle would host 2026 World Cup games, FIFA’s president named former Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan...
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression
After years of vacillation about whether it should be officially labeled a psychological disorder, the National Order of Psychiatrists confirmed today that they’ve added...
Mariners Spotted Having Steamy Summer Fling with Winning
Move over Bennifer: Several witnesses are reporting that what initially seemed at best a one-night stand or crazy weekend on the road between the...
Mariners Father’s Day Game Welcomes Dads to Walk on Field and Admire Well Kept Lawn
Inspired by the annual Run Around the Bases event, today the Seattle Mariners began a new Father’s Day Game tradition of inviting local dads...
Mariners, Seahawks, Kraken Congratulate Sounders on Winning Their ‘Little Jamboree’
Following the Seattle Sounders’ historic achievement as the first MLS team to win the Concacaf Champions League this week, representatives from the Seattle Mariners,...
Russell Wilson Excited to Be 5,280 Feet Closer to God
While many 12s are still crestfallen about the departure of Russell Wilson, the pious quarterback said today at practice he is riding high now...
Opening Day Postponed After Mariner Moose Refuses to Leave Breeding Mound
The Seattle Mariners' Opening Day was officially postponed today after the beloved Mariner Moose suddenly became territorial and refused to leave what he has...
Pete Carroll Assures Fans He Sucked All Heart, Joy, and Ability Out of Russell Wilson Before Trade
Still smarting from the loss of one of the best players the franchise has ever had, today Seahawks Pete Carroll assured Seattle football fans...
Seahawks Trade Russell Wilson for NFT of Lombardi Trophy
The Seattle sports landscape was shaken up today after it was announced that Russell Wilson, perennial Pro Bowl quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, was...
