Moose’s Paw Curls as Mariners Playoff Curse Passes to Sounders
After one local man’s wish for the Mariners’ two-decade playoff drought to end became officially realized Friday afternoon, the one and final cloven hoof on his cursed moose paw curled today and passed its...
UW Staff Officially Change Job Titles to ‘Head Football Coach’ to Earn Better Pay
After two and a half years of working with no pay increase, today University of Washington staff officially changed their job titles to Head Football Coach so they can afford living in the city...
Mariners Fans Still Skeptical They’ll Make Playoffs
After the Mariners triumphantly broke the longest playoff drought in men’s professional sports history Friday night, Seattle M’s fans confessed they’re still highly skeptical that they’ll make the playoffs this year.
“I mean, sure, I...
Seattle Still Choked with Smoke After Russell Wilson Attempts to Cook at Lumen Field
Just when the Puget Sound region thought they were going to be granted some respite from the Bolt Creek Fire, former Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson has further choked Seattle in smoke after attempting to...
Squatch Added to All-Star Zoo Doo Donor Line-up
Supersonics fans throughout the Seattle area rejoiced today upon hearing legendary basketball team mascot Squatch has been added to the Woodland Park Zoo’s prestigious All-Star Zoo Doo line-up this year.
“I’ve been practicing all year...
Ichiro Hits Own Ceremonial First Pitch for Leadoff Double
Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki kicked off his own Hall of Fame Weekend with a bang today after he stunned the sold-out crowd by hitting his own ceremonial first pitch for a leadoff double.
“Well folks,...
Male Feminist of the Year? This Man Went to a Seattle Storm Game in a Sonics Jersey
The Ms. Magazine newsroom was abuzz today upon hearing that local basketball fan and male feminist Colin Riley attended a WNBA Seattle Storm game last night in his favorite Sonics jersey.
“I mean, wow: I’m...
Bremerton High School Football Coach Swaps Gatorade Cooler with Communion Wine
Emboldened by the Supreme Court’s recent decision that finally allows him to lead group prayers at public school football games on the 50-yard-line, Bremerton High School football coach Joseph Kennedy has now reportedly swapped...
How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Mariners’ Season to Collapse Like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
It’s mid-August and right about now a familiar thought creeps into the back of every fan’s mind—when is this whole thing going to fall apart like one of the world’s biggest engineering failures, Gallopin'...
Jenny Durkan Named ‘Special Corruption Advisor’ Ahead of 2026 FIFA World Cup
Losing no time to prepare after today’s announcement that Seattle would host 2026 World Cup games, FIFA’s president named former Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan as Special Corruption Advisor to the association.
“FIFA has a longstanding...
