Woodland Park Zoo Announces Spring Yoga with Motherfucking Tigers
It’s time to throw your tired, pedantic yoga instructor in the fucking dumpster and strap on your finest Lululemons because the motherfucking Woodland Park...
Howard Schultz Promises to Move Nation’s Capital to Oklahoma City if Elected President
As Howard Schultz continues to promote an independent presidential bid, the former Starbucks CEO is already promising to get the nation’s Capitol out of the...
Area Bicyclist Has Opinions on Fairweather Bicyclists
West Seattle resident Brian Simmons, who bikes to downtown Seattle and back every day rain or shine, reportedly has opinions about fair-weather bicyclists.
“You know...
Local Skater Wears Helmet, Blows Rep
Local skater Trent Stevens was devastated tonight to discover a reputation he’d worked tirelessly on since Summer ‘07 has been decimated by multiple witnesses...
Little League Teams Destroy Chihuly Museum
Seattle Center officials were reportedly huffing Windex when they invited the 2018 Little League Baseball Seattle Championship Game teams to an off-season rematch on...
Newest Seattle Sports Franchise to Sell Apparel Only
In a move long seen coming by both Seattle sports fans and apparel industry insiders, Seattle’s latest major sports franchise will field no team...
Archie McPhee Shuttered After Police Uncover Rubber Chicken Fighting Ring
Authorities have shut down Archie McPhee after a six-month police investigation found the local plastic tchotchke dealer was actually a front for a rubber...
13th Man Making Things Awkward at CenturyLink Field Date
A highly anticipated date between Darren Skinner and Katie Weiss at CenturyLink Field turned awkward as a drunken fan claiming to be the “13th...
Ballard voter beats 8 p.m. buzzer with last-second ballot dunk
In an unforgettable match-up against a host of all-star inner demons -- including procrastination, cynicism, apathy, hopelessness and perfectionism -- Ballard resident Ben Kemp...
