Libertarian Friend Finally Admits He’s Just An Asshole
After years of trying to get a confession of douchebaggery out of local Libertarian Chase Dickerson, his liberal friends are reporting today they finally have it.
“At approximately 10:08 a.m. today, Mr. Dickerson of...
SPD Recruitment Test Standards Lowered to Just Coloring Inside the Thin Blue Line
With Seattle Police Department recruitment flagging despite throwing most of the city budget at them, the SPD announced plans to boost enrollment by lowering the testing standards to just coloring within the thin blue...
Amazon Promises Warehouse Workers Will Only Endure Inhumane Conditions Until Automation Replaces Them All
As word of dangerous working conditions at Amazon’s warehouses spread across the nation, Amazon CEO Andy Jassy called a rare press conference to formally promise that the current inhumane conditions for its human workforce...
Seattle Man Convinced G Line Actually a Myth
A Seattle man expressed his doubts Monday about whether King County Metro's RapidRide G Line actually exists.
“I can’t find the G-Line anywhere, and because there’s no way that’s just my own skill issue, it...
Everybody Run: The Cat Learned How to Hold a Knife
One local family was sent running away in a frenzied panic Tuesday night after their cat ‘Mewcifer’ suddenly learned how to hold a knife and began brandishing it menacingly around the house.
"Mewcifer, JD isn't...
WSDOT Announces Plan to Build Bridge Out of Decommissioned Ferries
After months of struggling to meet demand for sailings across Puget Sound with fewer and fewer operational ferries from its rapidly aging fleet, today WSDOT announced it actually had enough decommissioned ferries now to...
Understaffed SPD Assures Public It Definitely Has Enough Time to Stop and Frisk Aurora Sex Workers Again
To address worries that the reportedly extremely understaffed agency may not have the resources to crack down on prostitutes again the way City Councilmember Cathy Moore wants them to, today the Seattle Police Department...
Seattle Grateful It Doesn’t Have a Transparency-Hating Grifter for Mayor Like NYC Does
As the nation watched New York City’s mayor get literally indicted this week for bribery, today people across Seattle thanked their lucky stars that their mayor, Bruce Harrell, is clearly such an ethical, grift-free...
Submissive Light Rail Rider Disappointed to Once Again Not Be Punished by Fare Enforcement for Not Having a Ticket
Today local light rail rider and sub Ryan Donnelly was once again let down by Sound Transit when its fare enforcement officers failed to punish him for not having a ticket.
“Not even a slap...
Seattle Finally Concedes Portland is the Better PNW City for Newcomers to Move to
The City of Seattle put years of debate to rest today when it finally and officially conceded that Portland is definitely the better major Pacific Northwest city for thousands of people across the nation,...
