Woman Ages into Vaccine Eligibility While Reading Food Blog Recipe for Easy Cinnamon Rolls
An innocent distraction had unexpected consequences this week when a spry 31-year-old Meghan Powers aged into vaccine eligibility while scrolling down a Kailyn’s Kitchyn blog page for an easy cinnamon rolls recipe.
“All I wanted...
Valentine’s Plans Include Several Torrid Encounters with Delivery Drivers
Determined to avoid a lonely Valentine’s Day, one Phinney Ridge woman has arranged a busy day filled with several tantalizing and torrid contactless encounters with local delivery drivers.
“After spending the last 340 days alone...
Mayor Durkan Brings Sonics Back to Seattle Center Food Court
Fulfilling a promise she made long ago, today Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan announced that she’s finally brought the Sonics back to the Seattle Center food court.
“It took years of lobbying and negotiation to make...
Monorail Operator ‘Gonna Work On Train With Two Tracks Someday, You’ll See!’
Witnesses say they were perplexed to see veteran Seattle Monorail operator Charlie Osgood shaking his fist outside its windows today while yelling vows to “work on a train with two tracks someday, ya hear?”
“I...
Local Sadist Posts Gorgeous Trail Photo on Facebook Hiking Group With No Location
A local Facebook hiking group is reeling tonight after yet another sadist posted a gorgeous trail photo without mentioning its location.
“This sick fuck posted a picture of herself in front of this gorgeous waterfall...
Fieri’s Flavortown Gains Competition as Tom Douglas Opens Delivery-Only Flavoure Villa
Not to be outmaneuvered by Guy Fieri’s delivery-only Flavortown Kitchen that just opened in South Lake Union, today local chef and restaurateur Tom Douglas debuted his own delivery-only diner, Flavoure Villa.
“I’ve tried everything to...
Local Geoduck Bragging About Magnum XLs a Bit Much
Dosewallips State Park’s most famous bivalve resident has reportedly been making waves and bragging about his steady supply of Trojan Magnum XL condoms a bit much.
“A lot of people get my name wrong and...
Victoria’s Secret Releases Line of Edible Sweatpants
Inspired to release a more realistic and practical line of lingerie this Valentine’s Day, today Victoria’s Secret revealed its first line of edible sweatpants in “four heavenly flavors.”
“After sales dipped incredibly low last year,...
Local Psychopaths Camping This Weekend
According to inside sources, certified crazy people Shyan Burke and Mikaela Hopkins of Fremont have already headed up to the mountains this weekend to “get back to nature.”
Fellow Fremont resident Ruby told The Needling...
Trader Joe’s Bouncer Declines Entrance to Man Not Wearing Enough North Face
Despite several signs explicitly requiring all shoppers to wear enough middle-class outdoor gear for a hike up Little Si, witnesses waiting in line outside to enter the store say a Trader Joe’s bouncer had...
