Ivar’s Clam Found Shucked in Ongoing Surf-and-Turf Wars

Seattle’s beloved Ivar’s Clam was found shucked just off Pier 54 today, the latest victim in a long-running, citywide surf-and-turf war. The violent feud began as a series of pranks that escalated into at least...

New Local Brewery Only Allows Dogs and Kids

The latest addition to the Ballard Brewery District, Playground Brewing Company, says that it’s taking the family-friendly brewery model to the next level by only allowing dogs and kids into their tasting room and...

Rainier Beer Unveils New Seattle-themed Seltzer Flavors Green Lake Water, Dick’s Deluxe and Gum Wall

Iconic Seattle beer brand Rainier has recently announced that they are hopping on the red-hot hard seltzer wave, revealing a bevy of new locally inspired flavors including Green Lake Water, Dick’s Deluxe and Gum...

Junebaby Releases New Walkout Menu

Following its temporary closure due to a pandemic of famous chefs like Edouardo Jordan sexually harassing and exploiting women on staff, today local award-winning restaurant Junebaby released a delicious new walkout menu for people...

Kitchen-Dick, Woodcock Roads Finally Join OnlyFans

Decades-long diehards for steamy, Olympic Peninsula couple Kitchen-Dick Road and Woodcock Road are in luck tonight as the pair announced they’ve finally joined OnlyFans. “We know how many of you over the years have really...

Trail Blown Up by Social Media Post

A beautiful hiking trail spot in the Olympic Mountains was blown out into fiery smithereens today after a ne’er-do-well hiker geo-tagged gorgeous photos of his recent hike there and then posted them on social...

Mom Insists Waiting In Line For ‘Original Starbucks’ Worth It

Disregarding repeated protests from her grown daughter, Ohio mother Susan Varlick insisted that no line could be long enough to keep her from getting coffee at the “original Starbucks” at “Pike’s Place.” “Look at...

Salumi Deli Announces New Charcuterie Replacement Shakes for Gals on the Go

Legendary Seattle delicatessen Salumi has announced they are expanding their menu with a new line of convenient Charcuterie Replacement Shakes for gals on the go. “Our refreshing Salami Sunrise shake contains four slices of salami,...

Willows Inn Responds to NYT Exposé with Statement Released in Small, Unsatisfying Portions

Following the New York Times’ expose of worker abuses at the famed fine dining destination on Washington’s Lummi Island, Willows Inn Chef Blaine Wetzel said he would be responding to every allegation from more...

Amazon Fresh Pushing New Line of Grass Force-Fed Beef

In an effort to please discerning Prime customer palates slightly concerned about animal welfare, Amazon Fresh announced today its new line of premium grass force-fed beef. “Prime customers deserve to feel good about the meat...